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Question
Posted by: DD | 2011/02/04

Swinging

Hi

My bf of three years wants me to start swinging with him. I am not so sure if I want to do it, although I said I will give it a try.

My problem is, I just cant imagine him having sex with another women. I'm afraid I will loose all respect for him. As is, I don't trust him as I know if he gets the change to have sex with another women behind my back, he will do it. If he is not already doing it, as he travels a lot to CPT for work.

I said I will do it, only if it involves other men. The saddest part is, I will do it just to make him happy and not leave me, anything to keep him. No one loves him like I do.

We do share most of our fantasies and do have a great sex life, why cant he just be happy with me? How can I convince him to commit to me without ruining our relationship? We live together and as it is right now is the way I want it.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear DD,

Firstly it is clear from your post that the option of opening the boundaries of your relationship to include swinging is only being considered by you to attempt to please your partner and from an anxiety of losing him and wanting to keep him and the relationship.

I will be direct here and say that what you are considering is potentially disastrous for you and ultimately the relationship.

In a healthy relationship where both partners experience the relationship as satisfying and affirming of each other should never involve one partner feeling pressured to engage in any sexual activities for which they do not feel a shared desire to explore and feel it could enhance and expand the relationship in ways that will grow them as individuals and the relationship.

The level of vulnerability, the level of distrust and the degree to which you are considering to compromise yourself for him and the relationship is of great concern. These are issues that cannot be addressed appropriately in this type of forum.

I would strongly suggest you consider some individual counselling to understand why are you willing too make such sacrifices of yourself for the sake of a partner and a relationship and possibly also some couple counselling to talk the relationship through.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Feeling Good Is Just the Beginning Only for Female | 2016/08/06

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Reply to Feeling Good Is Just the Beginning Only for Female
Posted by: Feeling Good Is Just the Beginning Only for Female | 2016/08/06

Feeling Good Is Just the Beginning Only for Females in Karachi The ability to give a relaxing full body massage is a great skill to have. You can use it to de-stress friends and family members, to help people with aches and pains, or to get intimate and romantic with your partner. Giving a fantastic full body massage is not difficult; it just requires a little preparation and know-how. Massage the therapeutic use of touch to relax or energize the body’s muscles and soft tissues, relieves stress, improves blood and energy circulation, reduces swelling, and alleviates pain. We provide you the best service without any sexual desires. 1. DEEP TISSUE MASSAGE 2. SPORTS MASSAGE 3. NEUROMUSCULAR MASSAGE 4. ROLFING 5. HELLERWORK 6. CRANIOSACRAL THERAPY 7. ASTON-PATTERNING 8. FELDENKRAIS 9. TRAGER 10. SWEDISH MASSAGE 11. Scalp Massager 12. WHRC Massage Therapy We also provide courses of Massage Therapy at very reasonable fee. 1. Services at your door step. 2. Pick and drop services are also available. 3. No age limits. For Rates and Appointments feel free to contact us: massagetherapistpk@gmail.com Contact: 0306-2443831 Join Us: https://www.facebook.com/Massage-Therapistpk-1892761094275623/

Reply to Feeling Good Is Just the Beginning Only for Female
Posted by: Feeling Good Is Just the Beginning Only for Female | 2016/08/06

Feeling Good Is Just the Beginning Only for Females in Karachi The ability to give a relaxing full body massage is a great skill to have. You can use it to de-stress friends and family members, to help people with aches and pains, or to get intimate and romantic with your partner. Giving a fantastic full body massage is not difficult; it just requires a little preparation and know-how. Massage the therapeutic use of touch to relax or energize the body’s muscles and soft tissues, relieves stress, improves blood and energy circulation, reduces swelling, and alleviates pain. We provide you the best service without any sexual desires. 1. DEEP TISSUE MASSAGE 2. SPORTS MASSAGE 3. NEUROMUSCULAR MASSAGE 4. ROLFING 5. HELLERWORK 6. CRANIOSACRAL THERAPY 7. ASTON-PATTERNING 8. FELDENKRAIS 9. TRAGER 10. SWEDISH MASSAGE 11. Scalp Massager 12. WHRC Massage Therapy We also provide courses of Massage Therapy at very reasonable fee. 1. Services at your door step. 2. Pick and drop services are also available. 3. No age limits. For Rates and Appointments feel free to contact us: massagetherapistpk@gmail.com Contact: 0306-2443831 Join Us: https://www.facebook.com/Massage-Therapistpk-1892761094275623/

Reply to Feeling Good Is Just the Beginning Only for Female
Posted by: Feeling Good Is Just the Beginning Only for Female | 2016/08/06

Feeling Good Is Just the Beginning Only for Females in Karachi The ability to give a relaxing full body massage is a great skill to have. You can use it to de-stress friends and family members, to help people with aches and pains, or to get intimate and romantic with your partner. Giving a fantastic full body massage is not difficult; it just requires a little preparation and know-how. Massage the therapeutic use of touch to relax or energize the body’s muscles and soft tissues, relieves stress, improves blood and energy circulation, reduces swelling, and alleviates pain. We provide you the best service without any sexual desires. 1. DEEP TISSUE MASSAGE 2. SPORTS MASSAGE 3. NEUROMUSCULAR MASSAGE 4. ROLFING 5. HELLERWORK 6. CRANIOSACRAL THERAPY 7. ASTON-PATTERNING 8. FELDENKRAIS 9. TRAGER 10. SWEDISH MASSAGE 11. Scalp Massager 12. WHRC Massage Therapy We also provide courses of Massage Therapy at very reasonable fee. 1. Services at your door step. 2. Pick and drop services are also available. 3. No age limits. For Rates and Appointments feel free to contact us: massagetherapistpk@gmail.com Contact: 0306-2443831 Join Us: https://www.facebook.com/Massage-Therapistpk-1892761094275623/

Reply to Feeling Good Is Just the Beginning Only for Female
Posted by: Feeling Good Is Just the Beginning Only for Female | 2016/08/06

Feeling Good Is Just the Beginning Only for Females in Karachi The ability to give a relaxing full body massage is a great skill to have. You can use it to de-stress friends and family members, to help people with aches and pains, or to get intimate and romantic with your partner. Giving a fantastic full body massage is not difficult; it just requires a little preparation and know-how. Massage the therapeutic use of touch to relax or energize the body’s muscles and soft tissues, relieves stress, improves blood and energy circulation, reduces swelling, and alleviates pain. We provide you the best service without any sexual desires. 1. DEEP TISSUE MASSAGE 2. SPORTS MASSAGE 3. NEUROMUSCULAR MASSAGE 4. ROLFING 5. HELLERWORK 6. CRANIOSACRAL THERAPY 7. ASTON-PATTERNING 8. FELDENKRAIS 9. TRAGER 10. SWEDISH MASSAGE 11. Scalp Massager 12. WHRC Massage Therapy We also provide courses of Massage Therapy at very reasonable fee. 1. Services at your door step. 2. Pick and drop services are also available. 3. No age limits. For Rates and Appointments feel free to contact us: massagetherapistpk@gmail.com Contact: 0306-2443831 Join Us: https://www.facebook.com/Massage-Therapistpk-1892761094275623/

Reply to Feeling Good Is Just the Beginning Only for Female
Posted by: Feeling Good Is Just the Beginning Only for Female | 2016/08/06

Feeling Good Is Just the Beginning Only for Females in Karachi The ability to give a relaxing full body massage is a great skill to have. You can use it to de-stress friends and family members, to help people with aches and pains, or to get intimate and romantic with your partner. Giving a fantastic full body massage is not difficult; it just requires a little preparation and know-how. Massage the therapeutic use of touch to relax or energize the body’s muscles and soft tissues, relieves stress, improves blood and energy circulation, reduces swelling, and alleviates pain. We provide you the best service without any sexual desires. 1. DEEP TISSUE MASSAGE 2. SPORTS MASSAGE 3. NEUROMUSCULAR MASSAGE 4. ROLFING 5. HELLERWORK 6. CRANIOSACRAL THERAPY 7. ASTON-PATTERNING 8. FELDENKRAIS 9. TRAGER 10. SWEDISH MASSAGE 11. Scalp Massager 12. WHRC Massage Therapy We also provide courses of Massage Therapy at very reasonable fee. 1. Services at your door step. 2. Pick and drop services are also available. 3. No age limits. For Rates and Appointments feel free to contact us: massagetherapistpk@gmail.com Contact: 0306-2443831 Join Us: https://www.facebook.com/Massage-Therapistpk-1892761094275623/

Reply to Feeling Good Is Just the Beginning Only for Female
Posted by: Anon | 2011/03/02

Thank you Jacky. You are definitely an " ADULT"  who knows when to quit and how to handle emotions. You can separate love and lust and I wish you find a deserving partner who will appreciate you. I admire those who have tried things and do not live with I wish I tried this and that. But when you know its not for you, you do not do it again.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Jacky | 2011/02/28

Hi All ! I have to admit when I was going to these Swinging parties as a single lady, it was fun but I never wanted it to become part of my lifestyle. I have no regrets I enjoyed it but it just was not enough! I stilll ended up feeling empty inside whilst driving home after a party like that. I felt like being used as a toy for a couple !

Yes, I am open-minded and always wants to try something new. I do not regret that I did it but like a previous writer said, "  It is only sex"  and yes, it is ! But sex should be sensual, beautiful and should not be made explicit for example group sex, three-sums, etc. It should not devine who you are and what you feel towards the next person.

And you should feel comfortable within yourself and not do it just for the sake of your partner!

Love and Light !

Reply to Jacky
Posted by: Anon @ Vixen | 2011/02/25

Why does everyone bring the Bible into everything. The Bible condemns alot of things that Christians still do. The Bible does NOT lead you right from wrong. You should know better. Does the bible say forgive forgive forgive. How do you forgive those priests who do one thing but preach their head on Sundays. The Bible will change as man wants it too.

Reply to Anon @ Vixen
Posted by: anon | 2011/02/24

TO MUSTAFA KHAN

YOU ARE AN EMBARASSMENT TO THE MUSLIM COMMUNITY - I BET U YOUR WIFE PROBABLY WEARS PARDA OR SOMEONE IN YOUR FAMILY DOES - U ARE THE ONES WHO READ NAMAAZ AND ACT ALL HOLY BUT LOOK AT THE SIN U ARE COMMITTING - FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR CHILDREN(IF U HAVE ANY) AND FOR THE SAKE OF YOURSELF PLEASE STOP THIS
YOU WILL ANSWER ON THE DAY OF JUDGMENT THEN U WILL REGRET IT!

THINK WHAT IF YOUR DAUGHTER WAS INVOLVED IN THIS - WOULD U LIKE IT?

PLEASE STOP THIS !

Reply to anon
Posted by: Lisa | 2011/02/23

DON''T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to Lisa
Posted by: Chantelle | 2011/02/15

You shouldnt do it if your not comfortable.i would love to have a threesome with another woman and my fiance but if its something you as a person are uncomfortable with you should conform to what anyone says.at the end of the day you need to make yourself happy and do whats right for you.and if he wants to leave you for it then show him the door.after all how can you truly love someone if thats all it takes for him to leave

Reply to Chantelle
Posted by: sally | 2011/02/12

Can only work if both are keen.We met acouple and did some soft swinging.At 40 i had sex with a woman for the 1st time . hot and fun. the men watched and later joined in.Each with his own but with some oral and touching. HOT.Did it a couple of times. No negative effect.

Reply to sally
Posted by: gigi | 2011/02/10

Please please do not do it. I know of a couple where the man coerced his wife to swing. Undre pressure she agreed. Guess what? She met her soulmate at the swinging club, divorced her husband and lived happily ever after with her new hubby. The husband was devasted and now suffers from constant depression. How is that for getting a double whammy. He got what he wanted, the opportunity to sleep with other women, but lost the love of his life and the mother to his children. Please reconsider. If a man loves you, he will not want to SHARE you with another man.

Reply to gigi
Posted by: Vixen | 2011/02/08

The bible condemns whoring, this is not different. I do not know if you believe in the bible and God, but you certainly know of HIV/AIDS. This is why you should not do this not to even mention all the other STD''s you could contract. Still sleeping with a BF that''s not true to you is suicide!!

Take a look at your relationship from a different angle, does someone like that deserve you? Would doing as he ask really bind him to you, or just create chaos?

Reply to Vixen
Posted by: ZELDA | 2011/02/07

wat is ur e-mail add..

Reply to ZELDA
Posted by: Mustafa Khan | 2011/02/04

We are many married couples like swinging, no imotion, only sex.
We run a private muslim swinging club in Durban. We are quite satisfied and happy.

Reply to Mustafa Khan | 3 comments (hide)
Posted by: Anonymous | 2016/05/06

Can I have your details please

Posted by: anonymous | 2016/04/30

Do u own a private swinging club were about

Posted by: Anonymous | 2015/11/22

Whats your contact details. We wanna join your club

Posted by: Hans | 2011/02/04

If you want to loose him, and loose your self respeck not even talking about the pain and anger - GO AHEAD !!! i know, been there done that, lost everything...

Reply to Hans
Posted by: ABC | 2011/02/04

If you don''t feel comfortable doing it then DON''T DO IT.
You will be sorry afterwards as the picture of him with another woman will always be in your head.
Why are you still with this guy if you know he will cheat on you if he gets the chance?
You are worth more than this. Dump him and find someone that respects you.

Reply to ABC
Posted by: Susan | 2011/02/04

Don''t do it! Ever!
I''ve been in the same situation. My husband wanted swinging, I did it for him. Afterwards I found out he had affairs in every town he visited. Even while swinging he had affairs behind my back.
Just don''t do it! Its not worth it. Believe me!

Reply to Susan
Posted by: DD | 2011/02/04

I am not confused. Its a big turn on for my bf to see me with another woman or man. I''m not really into women, its only a fantasy to experience a bisexual encounter. So if I really have to do it, it must be another man, although I would just want to have sex with my bf.
He is happy if I have sex with other men, he wants it. Why I don''t know. Maybe to not feel guilty if he has other women behind my back?
Actually I am confused now.

Reply to DD
Posted by: Horny Guy | 2011/02/04

I agree with Topdog .......you are confussed.

Reply to Horny Guy
Posted by: topdog | 2011/02/04

in 1 hand u say My problem is, I just cant imagine him having sex with another women) in the other hand u say  I said I will do it, only if it involves other men.?????????????so u say its ok for u to do it with other men??? but not good for him to do it with other women... u are conffussed...

Reply to topdog
Posted by: sexologist | 2011/02/04

Dear DD,

Firstly it is clear from your post that the option of opening the boundaries of your relationship to include swinging is only being considered by you to attempt to please your partner and from an anxiety of losing him and wanting to keep him and the relationship.

I will be direct here and say that what you are considering is potentially disastrous for you and ultimately the relationship.

In a healthy relationship where both partners experience the relationship as satisfying and affirming of each other should never involve one partner feeling pressured to engage in any sexual activities for which they do not feel a shared desire to explore and feel it could enhance and expand the relationship in ways that will grow them as individuals and the relationship.

The level of vulnerability, the level of distrust and the degree to which you are considering to compromise yourself for him and the relationship is of great concern. These are issues that cannot be addressed appropriately in this type of forum.

I would strongly suggest you consider some individual counselling to understand why are you willing too make such sacrifices of yourself for the sake of a partner and a relationship and possibly also some couple counselling to talk the relationship through.

Reply to sexologist

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