Our expert says:
Apologies for the delay in responding.
You have had a range of responses already that I'm sure have given you lots to think about. I am wondering what professional advice you are looking for. Is it normal to want to do this? I think many people consider it at some point, particularly after a while together. This doesn't mean that they all try it. You need to think through how you feel about this, how it sits with your values, how you would feel after. If you are still thinking about it, then think through how you would make it clear what is and isn't okay for you. I think some of the insights from those who have done it (some of the respondents) needs to be considered carefully. Whilst it may have caused distress and relationship breakdown for some, there are clearly some people (I'm afraid I don't know the proportion) who can manage this within their marriage/relationship. What do you think would be problematic for YOU? How could you manage this/prevent this? Does your husband respect these worries and any conditions you might set down? If you choose to go ahead, I would agree to take things slowly so that you can address issues in less intimate circumstances to make sure that you have considered as many angles as possible when more touch and sexual play is involved. Remember also to practice safe sex.
If on the otherhand you do not want to go ahead, hear your husbands wish to enhance your sex life and explore that in other ways that are acceptable to both. "The Joy of Sex" by Alex Comfort is a great book to try new and playful ways of being sexually intimate.
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