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Question
Posted by: anne | 2012/08/01

swearing...am I a prude

When my bf gets drunk,he gets crass. We were out last night and had a huge fight in the restaurant because he was swearing at me and ranting and raving. I walked out on him. I am totally different to him as I am an introvert, never swear and hardly drink. When I hear him use vulgarities, it puts me off and I withdraw. He doesnt seem to think there is anything wrong with his behavior telling people to f** off or using women''s anatomy as swear words. I told him it is all about respect with the person you are with and he is being crass. However, I am starting to judge my own values and think maybe I am a prude for thinking like this and that I should just accept this behaviour from him because that is how he is. However when it happens, I feel like I am being verbally abused, so how can it be right?? Most of the time he is a decent human being, but this side is coming out more and more. And now that he is stressed about work, he drinks more, which causes this side to come out. How do I cope with this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There's nothing wrong with you, it's a matter of taste. Some people get pleasantly relaxed when they drink alcohol, others get aggressive. A common effect of alcohol is to drop our inhibitions, so we pay less attention to controlling our behaviour. And thus often behave more foolishly.
You are right that wi9thin a relationship ( even a business meeting ) one is supposed to be sensitive to the effects of our behaviour on those we are with, and especially someone who is supposedly one's close friend.
There is nothing wrong with your values but it's his disregard for your values and wishes that is most bothersome. Do you really need someone so crude as your boyfriend ? This behaviour won't improve as the relationship continues, and surely won improve if you were unwise enough to marry him

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Pamela | 2012/08/01

Behave just like he does and see how he likes it!

I worked in an office once where there were only men. They often slipped up and used the foulest 4-letter words. One day I needed to complain to them about the paperwork they were presenting to me and I used the foulest language ever! They nearly fell off their chairs, but that was the end of them using foul language in front of me. They treated me with respect after that!

Reply to Pamela
Posted by: Lilly | 2012/08/01

Tell him how annoying it is!! and I agree with Cyber shrink, my Dad drank for years. How your boyfriend behaves won''t change as he''s basically drugged and will always revert to swearing. Insist he cuts down or honestly, look for someone better. (you will only get more annoying with it over the years)
godo luck.

Reply to Lilly
Posted by: Maria | 2012/08/01

You''re not a prude, it''s perfectly valid not to like his behaviour. You''re unlikely to change him. Do you see a long term future with someone who doesn''t share your values? " I am totally different to him as I am an introvert, never swear and hardly drink."  I think that says it all.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/08/01

There's nothing wrong with you, it's a matter of taste. Some people get pleasantly relaxed when they drink alcohol, others get aggressive. A common effect of alcohol is to drop our inhibitions, so we pay less attention to controlling our behaviour. And thus often behave more foolishly.
You are right that wi9thin a relationship ( even a business meeting ) one is supposed to be sensitive to the effects of our behaviour on those we are with, and especially someone who is supposedly one's close friend.
There is nothing wrong with your values but it's his disregard for your values and wishes that is most bothersome. Do you really need someone so crude as your boyfriend ? This behaviour won't improve as the relationship continues, and surely won improve if you were unwise enough to marry him

Reply to cybershrink

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