advertisement
Question
Posted by: Anon for this | 2011/03/08

Surviving with 3 kids and no help

Dear CS

This might sound like a silly question, but it''s very real to us: Is is possible to manage and flourish as a family with 3 kids (5 yo, 2 yo and 6 mo) with both parents working fulltime and no family around? My husband and I are permanently quarreling and sometimes yelling at each other in front of the kids. We are severly sleep deprived as 2 of the three still wake at night (each hour the past 8 nights...). I am just wondering whether we''ve bitten off too much or whether there is some other problem in our planning/management. We have someone who cleans the house and does the laundry, but thats where it ends. We both contribute 100% to the household, even at night as my husband takes care of the 5 and 2 yo and I the baby as I am breastfeeding. Babysitting costs us R70 per hour for the 3, so we don''t go out often. My husband keeps dragging me in to his ''competition'' about who does more in the house (he thinks he does more...). I am so sick of it and explode every time he compares our input in the household. We are stretched very thin. Is it us or the situation? How do remedy this before it scars our kids for life? or worse, ends up ruining our marriage?



Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Whyever not ? Many people do so. Its not necessarily easy, but it has to be POSSIBLE.
Now, the "permanent" quarrelling isn't inevitable. Eventually, when you stop breastfeeding, maybe you can alternate nights as to who gets woken up ? And stop competing - start congratulating him frequently about how much he does, how much more than you - and it'll spoil the fun of competing, for him ! If a babysitter is only occasionally practical, try to ensure it's for a really refreshing occasion, rather than anything noisy and more tiring.
Its not you, not either of you, but the situation. If you found it awfully easy, there'd really be something wrong with the pair of you.
And it won't scar the kids for life,, and need not ruin the marriage.
Try to map out how things will improve, as the 2 yo gets more and more able to sleep through and less demanding, and even the youngest is on that path.
Lets see what other parents on the forum have to say - this is surely not a rare situation !


The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

6
Our users say:
Posted by: BeautyInTheEyeOfTheBeholder | 2011/03/08

All the best in raising children, seriously my cousin phoned me earlier from Ireland and mentioned that children are a gift and went on to say that in today''s world everyone who wants a child see''s it as an entitlement the reality is its not. Children are a gift and in my right mind the only advice i can give you is to seek help from God, He is the one who sent them to you.

From here on in my right mind departs.......

(Personally i really enjoy snorting coke with satan but when michael''s around the H is always good so I love God but this party never seems to end!)

From here on in my right mind returns......

My drug enjoyment aside, hey listen! look at what you have, look into the eyes of your children, isnt it an amazing thing?
They came from you but they are free, you brought life into this world. That has to be a good thing, even if the world is bad.

Reply to BeautyInTheEyeOfTheBeholder
Posted by: Nix | 2011/03/08

Hi Romany,

What is something to calm the kids? I need sum!

Reply to Nix
Posted by: Romany | 2011/03/08

I feel for you !!! I had the same situation but with one exception...... no husband around to help as he was always " working" .

Thank your husband often, you are so lucky to have his support and help.

No worries, things only get better. And oh, I do not care what others say here, but get something from the doc that can make the kids calm some nights and give them (and you) a good sleep.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Mom | 2011/03/08

Not rare at all CS.

Firstly count your lucky stars you have a husband to help you, there are many in similar situation whose husbands are there but dont help and who dont have husbands at all. I am also in such a situation where my family lives in another province and there is NO ONE I mean NO ONE I can call for help. Another thing you need to be grateful for i sthe help you get to clean your house geez what some of us will give for just once a month... Now stop complaining and get a Routine going...

And be sure to thabk your husband tonight for all he does, there is not many like him...

Reply to Mom
Posted by: Ship | 2011/03/08

Hi Anon,

My sympathies to you. I have a 1.5 &  4 year old and do not even have time to go to the toilet! I also do not have babysitters around and do not go out as it is such a mission to get everyone organised and then they want to come home as soon as we have arrived at the destination. My husband stays up until 11am, I go to bed at 8am and then do the night shift from 11am onwards.

Perhaps you could try that night shift system and then at least get 3 hours of sleep in.

I also hope this will get better as the children get older otherwise I am going to get loopy!

Reply to Ship
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/08

Whyever not ? Many people do so. Its not necessarily easy, but it has to be POSSIBLE.
Now, the "permanent" quarrelling isn't inevitable. Eventually, when you stop breastfeeding, maybe you can alternate nights as to who gets woken up ? And stop competing - start congratulating him frequently about how much he does, how much more than you - and it'll spoil the fun of competing, for him ! If a babysitter is only occasionally practical, try to ensure it's for a really refreshing occasion, rather than anything noisy and more tiring.
Its not you, not either of you, but the situation. If you found it awfully easy, there'd really be something wrong with the pair of you.
And it won't scar the kids for life,, and need not ruin the marriage.
Try to map out how things will improve, as the 2 yo gets more and more able to sleep through and less demanding, and even the youngest is on that path.
Lets see what other parents on the forum have to say - this is surely not a rare situation !


Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement