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Question
Posted by: Ilse | 2011-10-19

Surprising my fiance

My fiance likes things a little rough with sex. I am on the shy side. How do I talk to him about finding what works for both of us? I can talk to him about this but I am not sure were to start.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Perhaps the best time to do it would be during intimacy itself where you simply give him direct feedback, like: that hurts, or that scares me, or a little gentler...that's nice. The other thing you could try is to invite him to lie back whilst you focus on him a little and tell him you'd like to learn more about sensual touch with him - be gentle, rough, whatever, asking for feedback all the while and then switch over asking him to try different things - let him know what you like and what you don't.

Claire – SASHA

For further information please consult SASHA's website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Bystander | 2011-10-20

I agree with Nonni and Realist. Just be straight forward and speak to him plainly and directly in a non threatening manner. I''m not sure what to make of Tom''s comment, it seems out of context to the general discussion, unless he is Iise''s fiance ?LOL

Reply to Bystander
Posted by: Sexologist | 2011-10-20

Perhaps the best time to do it would be during intimacy itself where you simply give him direct feedback, like: that hurts, or that scares me, or a little gentler...that's nice. The other thing you could try is to invite him to lie back whilst you focus on him a little and tell him you'd like to learn more about sensual touch with him - be gentle, rough, whatever, asking for feedback all the while and then switch over asking him to try different things - let him know what you like and what you don't.

Claire – SASHA

For further information please consult SASHA's website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com

Reply to Sexologist
Posted by: Realist | 2011-10-19

Tom, You are funny man ! Why not wait to see what the lady who posted the query and CS has to say ?

Reply to Realist
Posted by: Nonni | 2011-10-19

Thing is, women associate sex with love - and if what is happening is not loving, our minds boggle. I agree that you need to tell him that you would like it a little more tender. Do it in a neutral non threatening way not in the bedroom or before you are about to go into the ring, if I can put it like that.

A loving, eager to please man will be only too glad to hear how he can make it more pleasurable for you. In fact, he should have already asked you what you like. If he is not receptive, then, you can interpret it as selfishness, and that will ultimately also affect other areas of your lives together. Just my opinion.

Reply to Nonni
Posted by: tom | 2011-10-19

Realist u talk a whole lot of rubbish.read before u talk crap.u are a sick man from all the comments i have read.get a life

Reply to tom
Posted by: Realist | 2011-10-19

Ummmm. Not quite sure how to comment here as you do not give any indication just how rough he gets and what he does exactly? However , whatever he does clearly is at odds with your idea of physical relations. Saying it as it is, is the best way to go. Just tell him outright what YOU do not enjoy and what YOU enjoy. Maybe he is just a bit on the uncouth side, ham handed and careless, not fully appreciating just how delicate/sensitive you may be. Hopefully he does not have a deliberate sadistic streak.

Reply to Realist

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