Our expert says:
Good comments from Maria.
You both surely need to be less dependent on the in-laws, who sound more wrapped up in their own concerns than actually caring about your needs as a couple or as individuals. You surely can both earn more for better work, working for almost anyone else. MMaybe the m-i-l needs psychiatric care, but threatening to take her life whenever she's asked to care for others, is a seedy and selfish way to behave. Why does this all have to be "discussed" with her, rather than with the f-i-l ?
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