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Question
Posted by: Anna | 2009/11/26

Suicidal - marriage falling apart

I am a 27 yr old female and married for 5 years with a 1yr old baby. My marriage is totally falling apart, due to family issues. My husbands mom n sister are living with us to take care of my baby for the past year and it has been nerve wrecking for me- in the sense that I have to live such a non private - unfree life. My husband doesn' t seem to wanna solve the issues - he just prefers to ignore and expects me to pretend I' m happy. I try so hard to convince myself I can do this - but its becoming too much for me, especially that my baby called his mom '  MA'  before she called me and she prefers her gran putting her off to sleep. I feel so robbed of my motherhood and also feel a great sense of emptiness in my marriage. While I have genuine fears about creaches - I also hate having my in laws with me. To be honest I' ve considered suicide so many times, but thort against it on the light that I need to be around for my baby. I don' t know how to handle this situation, but it really is bringing me down and I cant say I smile from the inside anymore, except for wen I' m with my baby. Wud u believe he gets fussed up , if I enjoy my own familys company, but so excited If I' m with his. I' m so tired of his disgusting stubborness with my family that I visit them less to avoid them having to deal with him being that way. The same man who laffs with his family- is stubborn towards mine for no reason. I must be honest even tho I dont love his family - I wud neva make them uncomfortable around me like he does to my family.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You don't mention WHY his relatives are living with you to care for your baby - are you sick, or working long hours ? WOuld a creche really be worse than this ? There are soem good ones, I hear. And then, sharing the attention of the care-givers with a number of other kids, it's easier for a child to recognize the special relationship with its own mom.
Could you persuade your husband to join you in marriage counselling, to try to sort out these issues ? And without having his Mom sit in on the sessions !

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Odette | 2009/11/27

These in-laws are a problem hey. There are so many wives that are stuck in such situations including myself. I dont have kids with my husband yet cause he has a problem but believe me once this is sorted out I will be in an even bigger mess. I am caught up in 2 worlds with kids and his mom. I too have an attitude like this to ignore just to prevent conflict but is that a solution? its what I ask myself all the time. I " fell out of love"  with my husband due to his obsession that he has with his mother and i dont know myself what advise to give with a wife with a child. My sister has beautiful kids with her hubby but if I see how her MIL is messing and trying to take over, I dont know how I would cope. Councelling will be good but I' ve heard in many cases that women try so hard just to let husbands cope in one session, then when the mom finds out they never go again and all is back to square one. Try it anyway, but remember that that child IS YOURS and do the best to their interest!!! later they will try and turn the child against you and what good does the baby know of such schemes? Good luck

Reply to Odette
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/26

You don't mention WHY his relatives are living with you to care for your baby - are you sick, or working long hours ? WOuld a creche really be worse than this ? There are soem good ones, I hear. And then, sharing the attention of the care-givers with a number of other kids, it's easier for a child to recognize the special relationship with its own mom.
Could you persuade your husband to join you in marriage counselling, to try to sort out these issues ? And without having his Mom sit in on the sessions !

Reply to cybershrink

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