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Question
Posted by: Alison | 2012/03/17

Suicidal friend

I have a friend who is a 50 year old male. He keeps talking about suicide.He is lonely and his greatest need is to have people around him. Problem is that he is the one who pushes people away. I wish I knew how to help him realise that he needs to accept people and moderate his behaviour with them. I have tried to make suggestions like therapy etc but he will not change. I do believe he is at very high risk but do not know what to do to help me. There is a possibility of me living with him which would help him but not me. He is highly manipulative. Please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sadly, it's not uncommon for people to complain of a loneliness which they largely create for themselves. And when they stubbornly adhere to their misery, as though it were a hobby, or something they collext, and refuse to even seriously consider therapy, it may not be practical to help them. Yes, there is significant risk, especially with his persistently resistant arttitude to allowing himself to receive effective help.
All one can do may be to remind them, wben the opportunities arise, that therapy WOULD be able to help them if they allowed it to do so, and would allow themselves to adjust to the idea of NOT being so miserable.
Living with him is not likely to help him or protect him, and could create further problems for yourself.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lilly | 2012/03/18

Dont live with him if he''s going to manipulate you with guilt. things will only get worse. Suggest he joins some social groups, something he is interested in. I went through a lonely few years and spent time at therapy and learnt i could change it, but getting out there.. reaching out to people and very importantly trying out new things!! only he is responsible for his life and making it a happy one!!!

Reply to Lilly
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/17

Sadly, it's not uncommon for people to complain of a loneliness which they largely create for themselves. And when they stubbornly adhere to their misery, as though it were a hobby, or something they collext, and refuse to even seriously consider therapy, it may not be practical to help them. Yes, there is significant risk, especially with his persistently resistant arttitude to allowing himself to receive effective help.
All one can do may be to remind them, wben the opportunities arise, that therapy WOULD be able to help them if they allowed it to do so, and would allow themselves to adjust to the idea of NOT being so miserable.
Living with him is not likely to help him or protect him, and could create further problems for yourself.

Reply to cybershrink

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