Posted by: tamy | 2009-07-30

suicidal ex

hello every one
i went and fell in love with a then 22 year old guy, i was 21 at the time
a year has passed and we broke up due to a lot of arguing
he has since became very obsessive, he is calling me at 2am in the morning shaking and crying as to why i left him and he is threatening his life
he recently was involved in an accident and is in serious financial strain
i am scared that its a matter of time for him to kill himself
he told me he has nothing to live for he is following me around who i talk to and suggests that the reason i left him is because of the " guys"  i left him for
i tried getting udults involved but he denies everything and everyone actually believes he genuinly cares for me and there is no reason to be alert
but the guy is on a mission and its not a good one
i am scared he might follow me from work and kill the both of us
i need serious help with this i can give the professional who is willing to help his details
i told him he needs help but is indenial
please assist me i am so scared for his life and mine

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Our expert says:
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He needs help for himself, but should not demand it from you, especially not by blackmail, and should sek it from the poper experts --- a counsellor, Lifeline perhaps to start with, and a psychiatrist. If he can't afford privat care, he should seek help from the nearest major state hospital and/or medical school.
You can go to a court and get an interdict to forbid him from harrassing you any further, and can explain to him, through the court, that while you are sympathetic to his need for help, you personally cannot provide it. And i you have real reasons to fear violence from him, approach the court for an interdict, and report the threats to the police. And get his parents involved, as they have more duty to assist him than have you.
And as others say, as an adult, he is responsible for his own choices and actions, so do not accept his invitation to feel guilty.

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Our users say:
Posted by: vbb | 2009-07-31

My heart goes out to you as today as i write this my 34yr old son is in court having a restraining order put in place against him. he is also in denial and I feel so sorry for the ex and my granddaughter (1yr old) but as hard as this is to do you must do it for your own safety. You are not responsible for his actions should he kill himself. a fact I have had to acknowledge at the age of 55. Very sad but true. Best of luck

Reply to vbb
Posted by: Moo | 2009-07-31

I am a cow, my ex did that to me after being married for 4 years. I gave him a razor blade and told him to go right ahead.

He is still very much alive - 9 years later.

If he is pathetic enough to take his own life, you are not responsible for that. You cant spend your life with someone basically holding a gun to his head or yours. That' s no way to live.

Reply to Moo
Posted by: Rick | 2009-07-31

Its a dreadful situation to find yourself in, a restraining order would be best for you seeing as though you are so scared.

Also be prepared for him to actually committ suicide, he sounds that desperate...but its not your responsibility...he is an adult and has to bear the consequences for his actions.

You need to stay safe!


Reply to Rick
Posted by: Kay in Gtown | 2009-07-31

My heart goes out to you. Please remember that the only adult you are responsible for, is yourself. He is choosing his own path and even if he kills himself, it is NOT your fault. Hold onto your truth and protect yourself. I' m sure CS will have good advice.
Wish you the best...

Reply to Kay in Gtown
Posted by: Liza | 2009-07-31

Unfortunately it' s difficult to help someone in denial. If he cannot admit that he has a problem, he definitely will not be interested in getting help. For now you could perhaps get an interdict from the court so that he is not allowed near you. If he does come near you, he will be arrested. This might not put him off if he is seriously disturbed, but the police HAVE to arrest him if he comes near you which will help you by removing him from close contact - at least for a while.

Good Luck

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Lady Man | 2009-07-31


You can go to your police station and get a restraining order against him. What does his parents say about the situation. Try to get them involved. Do not allow him to manupilated you.

Reply to Lady Man

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