Our expert says:
I'm sorry, T, but I'm finding it increasingly difficult to see the point of this very very long exchange of messages. Your bf MUST take proper responsibility for himself. You can't do it for him.
And he needs to stop sitting round blaming himself for whatever happened in the past, and start taking responsibility for the present and the future, and avoiding making similar mistakes from now on.
His doctor should have the simple skill of recognizing that he appears depressed, and should stop giving him quantities of drugs he could use to harm himself. TELL the doc that he keeps on threatening suicide and has a family history of suicide, and to stop giving him meds he can use to harm himself.
Minf you, I don't understand a man who keeps threatening suicide, who refuses counselling, but wants to buy a needlessly expensive show-off car. You can guarantee that it will NOT make him happy. He sounds as though maybe his accusations that you are attention-seekin actually apply to him --- he sounds as though he may be revelling in his endless self-pity and making you alarmed.
What is happening between you is no good for either of you. See what his mother and family have to say, but seriously consider leaving him and saving yourself, and do NOT blame yourself for whatever he chooses to do about that
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