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Question
Posted by: Tired again | 2009-09-30

Suicidal bf

My suicidal bf(his father commited suicide 3years ago).he was crying last night after I was talking to him about doing the dishes coz he took a day off but I found dirty dishes in the sink.i had to do them after work,.i was so pissed.anyway I told he was wrong.he appologised.
Then next thing I know he was out side crying.i had to beg him to tell me whats wrong.
He told me he has unfinished businnes with his late father.he said it’ s a secret.i don’ t know what to do.why should there be secrets between us,if he really want to make me his future wife why whould there be secrets?he said he cant tell me.
I feel so frustrated by all this.him saying he want to die and all that.i end up shouting at him.at times he is hust not making it easy for me or take me serious.
I tell him everything.i told him he should talk about it coz crying is not helping he needs to let it out.
He said if I woory about him crying then he wont cry when I am around.
He told me to stop asking whats wrong coz he wont tell me.
My mom passed away too.i cry at times and I always tell him why im crying.i have my frustrations too and I always talk to him.though he would shut me out at times I still try to talk to him,its not easy.we are only 23. and I feel exhausted already.
Why cant he?
I told him I cant stay with him any longer if he keeps on telling me he is going to kill himself.i don’ t want to witness it.obviously his family is going to put the blame on me.(we stay together).evrytime we argue I worry he might kill himself.i always make sure I am with him until we solve the problem then make up,i feel like moving out.and I know that will hurt him.but I just don’ t know,I told him to try finding a councellor around.but he is not.i don’ t have excess to phone or internet here at work.only certain sites.but he does.all he can do is find a counselor on the net.he says he want a baby with me.i dint want my baby to be without a father.i feel so down and like I cant help him with anything.and he is always thinking im going to leave him everytime I tell him of the things he does that I don’ t like,no matter how many times I tell him I wont.he don’ t believe me.
Honestly I cant take it anymore
HELP

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

His suicide risk is high, but he MUST get into proper treatment with a psychiarist, for assessment and treatment --- this is way beyond the sort of situation you can, either of you, handle on your own. If he has "unfinished business" regarding his late father, and he hasn't yet worked this out on his own, he will need the help of a shrink to do this properly, and owes it to himself and his father, to do it this way. Do NOT hassle him about keeping secrets --- it is NOT compulsory for everyone to share everything with a gf or wife.
It's easy enough to "tell him everything" when there's not so much to tell.
And yes, make it clear that you care and would like to listen IF and WHEN he wants to talk, but dotn't insist that he tell you why he is crying --- spend more of this energy encouraging him to see a shrink so that he can disclose in confidence whtever things are troubling him, and work with them in a more useful way. You are not a shrink, and though you care, you risk becoming like an amateur surgeon, operating on the kitchen table.
Rather work with him to find a counsellor, get him to call Lifeline in the first instance, get him the expert help he needs, rather than responding to the implied threat of suicde which is naturally bothering for you, by making counter-threats. STOP telling him what you don't like about him and what he does --- concentrate entirely on getting him the proper, expert help he needs, and making it clear to him that you love him, want him to get well, and want to do everything possible to help him achieve that

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Woman | 2009-09-30

I agree with CS, he is very high risk. If he is not willing to go see someone today, speak to his mother urgently. Have him committed. In a psychiatric clinic (they are nice), he will get the help he needs, and in intensive therapy for a week or two, he will start dealing soon enough. It sounds like you really love him, i admire your loyalty. Do whatever you need to do to help your BF. His father' s tragedy need not be repeated! And his mother will understand that too.

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