Posted by: Jac | 2008-12-11

Suicidal and hate my life

I have suffered with depression since my teens (I' m 43 now). I went off my medication about 5 months ago as I couldn' t afford it because medical aid ran out. I' ve been taking St John' s Wort coz it' s not as expensive. Things in my life have changed - the worst being that I left my job (I knew I was about to be fired). I am in a mountain of debt as I was living paycheck to paycheck coz this previous job paid so much less than the one before. I' ve got no-one to turn to as everyone just thinks I need to do...something(?). I can' t find another job as there' s nothing going at this time of the year. I constantly think of suicide as it seems the only way to resolve things. The only thing holding me back is that I have a 13 year old son that I love more than anything and I don' t want him to live with the stigma. Nothing brings me joy anymore - the closest I feel to joy is when I think of my son being sweet. What shall I do? What if I lose everything? How will I take care of my son? What happens if you declare yourself insolvent and where will I live? My son starts high school next year and can certainly do without his mother being miserable and depressed. I struggle to get out of bed in the mornings and sometimes don' t - I just want to die I' m in so much pain emotionally and financially.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sorry to hear of this, Jac. St JOhn's Wort does work in a way similar to Prozac and its relatives. But I wonder whether there isn't a more effective generic antidepressant which would be about the same price, and more effective --- discuss this with your pharmacist, and check. This is a difficult time to be looking for a job. I wonder whether, had you stayed, they might have made a more generous settlement to induce you to resign ? Anyhow, might have beens are not useful right now.
Suicide is the probolem, not the solution, and would be devastating for your son and anyone else who knows you. Why not go to the nearest medical school or major state hospital for treatment, and the drugs could then be free, and counselling could be available. With such proper treatment you ought to be able to get much better than this. What happened to your son's father ? If alive, couldn't he contribute and help ? What of other members of your family. Gettign proper treatment must be an absolute priority. Call the Anxiety/Depression Support group ( number on this page ) and Lifeline, and discuss the situation with them and see what other ideas they may also have. And stay in touch wioth us here on the forum, too, as we'll be concerned about what happens to you, and would like to hear of your gradual improvement if you get the treatment you deserve

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Jac | 2008-12-13

Thank you to all of you. I wrote a note under the subject " wow" .

Your responses opened my eyes.

Reply to Jac
Posted by: anon | 2008-12-12

Don' t even think about suicide. It' s not worth it at all. It' s not the solution. Your son needs you and I promise you he will suffer more than what you are now if you end your life. You can get through this. Follow CS'  advice and do try ask family or friends for some help. Going to a medical school or state hospital may take some patience but it is worth it if you can' t afford the help you need. You will eventually get help. Call lifeline, they have a sympathetic ear and this alone can help you until you get to that hospital for the help you need. Seriously, don' t even think about suicide, think about calling lifeline, getting to a state hospital and living a better life with your son. God Bless you. Hang in there, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Reply to anon
Posted by: Single Dude | 2008-12-11

Jac, you have a wife and a child who loves you. Imagine them going through life without you being around. Yes, talk is easier said than done, but speak with your wife, did you not get married ' through good times and bad' ? Maybe try and start a little family business together. Speak to the banks and explain your situation. I hope you really do come out of this situation and good luck and all the best.

PS: I have been in worse financial situations but eventually getting to the end of it. Taken me 4 years so far, but i am getting there and I have learn' t how to cope and to amke sure that it does not happen again.

Reply to Single Dude
Posted by: felicity | 2008-12-11

Jac, I have never been at the depths you are currently at but your son needs you so desperately at this stage in his life. His Mom is the most important person and probably the only non judgemental person in a teens life. Have you got family you could ask to help you and try and get help at your local government hospital or clinic. Take the time you have available to you to rest and look after you because if you not Ok your son will be affected as much. Suicide is not the answer. I have lived through 3 suicides in my family and the people left behind, especially your son will be left with so many hurts and regrets.

Reply to felicity
Posted by: GodisMerciful | 2008-12-11

ill go with PRAY

He can help all you have to do is ask.

Reply to GodisMerciful
Posted by: 2choices | 2008-12-11


1) buy a GUN

Reply to 2choices
Posted by: Hope* | 2008-12-11

Jac, I am so sorry to hear of all your troubles and my heart goes out to you. To feel so depressed is certainly something to get treatment for. Take CS advice and go to a medical school or state hospital to get help. Have a good sleep tonight (((((((((hugs)))))))))))))).

Reply to Hope*

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