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Question
Posted by: Janine | 2010/05/14

Such an Idiot!

I am such an idiot.
Things have been going so well with my relationship. Everything has been progressing wonderfully.
Last night we were having dinner and all of a sudden I brought up a fight that we had in the past when we were on a weekend away with his friends.
I brought up sensitive issues between us like his ex etc....This is the stuff that has been holding us back from normal things like living together.
Just the look on his face made me realise that I had just disappointed him in a big way because he thought we had moved past all of that.
Why would I do something like that? It was not necessary and now I have the feeling that he has taken one step backwards from where we were going which was moving in together and speaking about marriage.
Why why why would I do something so dumb? How can i fix this without looking desperate and that I did something very wrong.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Fights and sqaubbles should be settled within a day o two at most, and then never exhumed and dug up again - it is rarely useful to do so.
Now, I can't tell you why you chose to do someting so self-damaging - something in the situation, maybe in his behaviour, must have made you feel a need to stir things up, or to remind him that things have been bad in the past.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Zee | 2010/05/14

I can relate to being in the guys shoes. Sorry sometimes these arguments you dont just get over in a day or two. As I guy I had arguments with my GF about the same issues a number of times. The same things every year. Why do ladies (and men) just forget about the past, what you did when you did not know them and allow a guy to move on and make the changes in their life with the woman they are with. We not all perfect but when the other just wants to try... PS: Have any of you realised how funny these fights starts.. Almost always when having the best time and a little drunk, any thing said is sensitive.

Reply to Zee
Posted by: Sue | 2010/05/14

Hi. I''ve done this myself sometimes and I know it''s because the problem was never really resolved to my satisfaction. My opinion is that unless you are comfortable with the outcome of the arguement it will always stay in your head and bug you. Perhaps you should ask him to please talk about it again?

Reply to Sue
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/14

Fights and sqaubbles should be settled within a day o two at most, and then never exhumed and dug up again - it is rarely useful to do so.
Now, I can't tell you why you chose to do someting so self-damaging - something in the situation, maybe in his behaviour, must have made you feel a need to stir things up, or to remind him that things have been bad in the past.

Reply to cybershrink

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