Posted by: Happy wife | 2009-01-22

Sucessful marriage without sex?

I'  m married to a wonderful man, who i love dearly. We'  r married for 7years now, and he is 16years older than me. We always had, and still have a, which i consider a very beautiful relationship. In the last 2years though, we'  r having sex about once or twice a month, and it doesnt seem to bother either of us, as most of the time, actually every night we just lie in each other'  s arm, cuddling and kissing and caressing each other, sometimes we just play with 1 another or making jokes and laugh untill we both doze off. When we do have sexual encounters, it'  s usually oral sex. I like to suprise him with a bj now n then, n sometimes he would just go down on me n not need anything in return. There is absolutely nothing wrong with his size or performance, but i think we just got used to the idea of not having intercourse over such a long period of time. Deep in my heart i always have the desire to reach orgasm when he penetrates me, cos i can do it on my own or with a vibrator, but somehow he just cant get me "  there"  , as it usually takes about 30min for me to climax, and by that time he'  s usually exausted and frustrated, and then we just leavit at that. Over the past year or so, we just had less and less intercourse and satisfy each other in other ways, and we got used to just doing that, but sometimes i find myself fantasise about him bonking me till i scream of pleasure. My problem is the fact that we both got used to the idea of not having sex. Can it be normal? Especially when i sometimes fantasise bout it, and i'  m almost sure he does too..I dont cheat and i know for a fact he does not either, cos he shows and tells me that everyday, but what if sum day me or him meets some1 who we can actually act out our fantasies on? Or isnt fantacies suppose to b just that?FANTASIES?? Not everybody acts out on their fantacies, and make it a reality, right? isnt sum fantacies just their 2 keep u going? Like dreams? Or is the real issue rather R we really as happy as we think we r? we have a good communication and usually talks about everything especially sex, in a nice calm and relaxing way, usually after "  sex"  , and he assures me that he is absolutely satisfied with our sexlife, there'  s no pressure or expectations and he describes it as beautifull. I love this man dearly and dont want to loose him, but i cant help but to wonder if maybe i'  m living in a dreamworld, and will wake up only when i meet some1 who wakes up that inner fantasies, Because i'  m fine with how things r now, but would i be 10 years from now? Can marriage really last when there'  s no intercourse involved? Because if it does, then i have nothing to worry about, then to enjoy and appreciate my husband for all his good qualities.

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Our expert says:
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Congratulations to both of you. A primarily non-sexual marriage might not suit many people, but it certainly does suit some, and you are both happy. Sex is often enjoyable, to many of it, but its not compulsory, or even as essential as some people assume it has to be.
Clearly, within sex, you also enjoy GIVING, at least as much as GETTING, which is admirable, too. Perfectly normal. Now, that said, it is also possible that reading some good books and learning more about sex, might help you both to find variations that could be even more satisfying to both of you. In a similar way, couples where one or both become increasingly physically disabled ( eg arthritic, or short of breath ), can adapt to different ways of pleasuring themselves and each other.
Fantasies can be most enjoyable, too, and often better in the imagination than in reality. You both sound happy, but whereas he sounds satisfied and perhaps not wanting more, you seem slightly concerned that perhaps you do want more, though you don't want it from anyone else. Discuss this too, and read more widely, to explore what variations you might each enjoy, as well as what you have right now.
You have so much more than many otherwise sexually active couple ever have. Add to it, if this is pratical, rather than diminishing what's already there

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Happy wife | 2009-01-22

Thanx Wow! The " very special naughty night a week "  sounds like even more fun, i' ll definately put the ball on the roll. Lucy, i think that' s exactly how i feel, bout accepting it as normal because he doesnt seem bothered, by the way things r. And because i' m not the nagging type, i' ll just find things that' s more special and pleasurable then nag bout something that obviously doesnt bother him. Thanx u guys, i' ll definately show him my postings and replies,who knows, maybe he had the same questions as me, and posted here b4.

Reply to Happy wife
Posted by: ??? | 2009-01-22

I think you' re on the wrong site. Should you not post this on the " sexologist"  site?

Reply to ???
Posted by: Lucy | 2009-01-22

Perhaps he is still in the closet, that would explain it all...
Or feels like a failure for not being able to make you climax and therefore tries to avoid sex altogether.
You for sure sound like you need things to be spiced up in the bedroom or yearning for it but trying to convince yourself that not having it is normal because your hubby dsnt seem too interested

Reply to Lucy
Posted by: Wow | 2009-01-22

You guys are obviously very happy and in love. Congratulations! I have heard of marriages without sex, but you guys still have sex although oral or other stimulation. I am sure that seeing you have great communication, your hubby will only positively respond to you should you walk into the room wearing something naughty. Maybe you should start with this and progress until you at least every now and then have more than intimacy or oral sex. Some people also feel that intamacy is much more important than sex. I am sure you can think of a million ways to lead your man into temptation. My hubby and I take one evening a week (we call it our " very special evening"  to do something out of the ordinary - you will be surprised what can happen. Have been married for 20 yrs and we turn into two naughty teenagers on these nights! You are a lucky woman!

Reply to Wow

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