Posted by: Happy wife | 2009-01-22

Successful marriage without sex

I' m married to a wonderful man, who i love dearly. We' r married for 7years now, and he is 16years older than me. We always had, and still have a, which i consider a very beautiful relationship. In the last 2years though, we' r having sex about once or twice a month, and it doesnt seem to bother either of us, as most of the time, actually every night we just lie in each other' s arm, cuddling and kissing and caressing each other, sometimes we just play with 1 another or making jokes and laugh untill we both doze off. When we do have sexual encounters, it' s usually oral sex. I like to suprise him with a bj now n then, n sometimes he would just go down on me n not need anything in return. There is absolutely nothing wrong with his size or performance, but i think we just got used to the idea of not having intercourse over such a long period of time. Deep in my heart i always have the desire to reach orgasm when he penetrates me, cos i can do it on my own or with a vibrator, but somehow he just cant get me " there" , as it usually takes about 30min for me to climax, and by that time he' s usually exausted and frustrated, and then we just leavit at that. Over the past year or so, we just had less and less intercourse and satisfy each other in other ways, and we got used to just doing that, but sometimes i find myself fantasise about him bonking me till i scream of pleasure. My problem is the fact that we both got used to the idea of not having sex. Can it be normal? Especially when i sometimes fantasise bout it, and i' m almost sure he does too..I dont cheat and i know for a fact he does not either, cos he shows and tells me that everyday, but what if sum day me or him meets some1 who we can actually act out our fantasies on? Or isnt fantacies suppose to b just that?FANTASIES?? Not everybody acts out on their fantacies, and make it a reality, right? isnt sum fantacies just their 2 keep u going? Like dreams? Or is the real issue rather R we really as happy as we think we r? we have a good communication and usually talks about everything especially sex, in a nice calm and relaxing way, usually after " sex" , and he assures me that he is absolutely satisfied with our sexlife, there' s no pressure or expectations and he describes it as beautifull. I love this man dearly and dont want to loose him, but i cant help but to wonder if maybe i' m living in a dreamworld, and will wake up only when i meet some1 who wakes up that inner fantasies, Because i' m fine with how things r now, but would i be 10 years from now? Can marriage really last when there' s no intercourse involved? Because if it does, then i have nothing to worry about, then to enjoy and appreciate my husband for all his good qualities.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

many couples would love to have the sex life and relationship that you share with your partner! Do not fear any future problems that may never materialise. Your partner sounds like a husband that clearly recognises your needs and is willing to satisfy you. That said, your fantasy for deep and lengthly penetration should remain at that - it is unfair and physically impossible for ANY man to last 30min during deep penetration. The only way it would work is if he was under the influence of illegal drugs that act as a numbing agent - hence during sex it will be a mere 'banging' session with no attachment, intimacy, love, connection, romance and feeling. What you have already combines all that you would lose in pursuing your fantasy. Rather let him penetrate you and after he has climaxed he should continue penetrating you with a vibrator.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: TJ | 2009-01-22

FIRSTLY SOORY about misconception .obvoiusly i didnt read it properly .i truelly admire your dedicaton to your hubby and your faithfulness .may i just say that sex plays a major role and satisfaction to both parties is very important but youve gone so far for so long please dont go now and put something there thats not there if you know what i mean . rather let sleeping dogs lye. you both are unique ..stay that way ..good luck for the future fantacies ...oh with hubby of course hee hee .

Reply to TJ
Posted by: Happy Wife | 2009-01-22

Thanx for ur replies. TJ thnx for ur response as well, but, i never once said i fantacise bout other men. What i did say is, that i fantacise bout HiM bonking me, and honestly, eversince i met him,which is now 10years ago, i have no desire of having sex with another men, all i' m asking is if it' s normal for a married couple to have sex on such a irregular basis and still be happy forever? Or is there really a problem. Sometimes we people can create a problem when there' s absolutely no problem, and be dramatic over nothing?

Reply to Happy Wife
Posted by: TJ | 2009-01-22

HAPPY WIFE u dont sound to happy to me . from reading your letter it sounds as if you are trying to convince yourself .on one hand your are so happy with your hubby and then on the other hand your having fantasies about other men ..what s the real issue here??

Reply to TJ
Posted by: Sg | 2009-01-22

All to their own but I need regular sex in a relationship.It simply helps hold the couple together and plays a much bigger role than most admit to.

Reply to Sg
Posted by: Personnaly | 2009-01-22

I wont live the life ur living,my man and I have sex every second day,or let me just say,almost everday.We are still young and wanna enjoy while it still last.He can go down on me,but he must finish with penetration....I just love it.

Different strokes for different folks anyway.

Reply to Personnaly

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