Posted by: Annita | 2012-11-20

submissive partner

hi everyone

Am engaged woman, and all i hear my partner and married friends tells me that i have to be a submissive partner. what exactly is been submissive, because my man refuse to do things that i have interest on, his view is always have to be the last, he makes mistakes and blames me for it, he takes decisions without consulting or sharing with me first, what he announce goes, unfortunately for me i cant live like that, and he knew this even from the time we started dating that am my own woman, i have my own mind and prefer to make joint decision rather than dictating.

I asked him for us to go for counseling because am a stubborn person that much i can admit, but i really feel that after we get married, am expected to rollover and play dead, and Hubby to be to tell me JUMP and i must say How high!!!

But he refused to go to Counseling he says, its not necessary all he needs its a submissive wife who will do as the husband demands and as the society is expecting " as our mothers has been doing all along" .

I decided that if we dont agree on this matter, i think we cant proceed with the marriage, i dont wana feel trapped and resentful toward a person, i believe every person should live their life as free as possible

For me marriage its about respect, love, understanding,communication,compromise and scarifies.

why my friends tells me that i will to suck it up and do as the man say... is this how it suppose to be after marriage???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Are they using Time Travel round your neck of the woods ? Anyone who tells you your role in a relationship is to be a "submissive woman" is either freshly imported from way back in the last century, or a certifiable idiot.
And why would any self-respecting woman want to marry suchn a Neanderthal guy with such Neanderthal friends ?
Maybe he has vocabulary problems - he seems to be talking about Slavery, not marriage.
Surely you deserve much more than this ? What were you thinking when you got engaged to Conan here ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Eddyj | 2012-11-20

Hi Annita, I am reminded of the words of the peom written about marriage by Khalil Gibran and allow me to quote from two lines
" But let there be spaces in your togetherness"  and
" The oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other''s shadow" 
You will always be two individuals but true love calls for a compromise .May God grant you the wisdom to make the correct descision. I have been married for 34 years and i have learnt that domnination would have " spoilt the friendship" (remember the old Lunch Bar advert?)
I wish you well !

Reply to Eddyj
Posted by: Purple | 2012-11-20

Do you think marriage requires being submissive?

Personally, I find compromise works better otherwise people get resentful. Men are NOT the heads of households - marriage is an equal partnership. If someone expects you to be submissive, they''re not worth marrying - find someone who loves you, not who wants to control you - someone who treats you like an adult and not like a sex slave who does the washing up and house cleaning.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Maria | 2012-11-20

Are your friends and fiance basing their opinions on religious beliefs? Handy isn''t it, how religion tends to favour men. Please do not marry him, you deserve a man who sees you as an equal partner rather than a submissive slave.

Reply to Maria

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