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Question
Posted by: Stupid. | 2010/08/04

Stupid.

How can i start this?
I cheated on my husband 11 years ago and he still has a grudge on me for that. He has kept a tight fist on me since then.
He''s never around... I went out with my son the other night and he caught me... (just going out). I''m 39 and my son is 19. My husband is so angry I don''t know what to do :( Now he want''s a divorce. I was just sitting in a club and left after one hour...
I am totally depended on him. PLEASE help me!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The problem is his. A long-past episode of cheating is unfortunate, but does not deserve years of ecessive bitterness and suspicion. The problem is probably that though he may need counselling, he is unlikely to agree to this.
Now he wants a divorce because you went out WITH YOUR SON ? What on earth is he suspecting ? He sounds desperately of low self-esteem and apparently with nothing else in his life to occupy him. Any court to which he applied for a divorce would, if they heard evidence of this would consider him unreasonable and would have to consider maintenance for damages to you caused by a completely unreasonable grudge on his side.
If you say he's always out, what is HE doing in all that time he spends out ?
Do consult a divorce lawyer, to protect your rights

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Man | 2010/08/04

It sounds as if he has the proble. You made a mistake way back. It is really unreasonable to hold a grudge agaisnt you for so long. I am sure he did equal stupid things (although it might not have been infidelity) in his life. It sounds to me that you must make some sort of plan to get out of this one sided relationship, if you still want to call it a relationship.

Reply to Man
Posted by: Liza | 2010/08/04

11 Years and he''s still got a grudge? That isn''t a grudge - it''s an obsession. He can''t use it as a reason for the divorce anymore - which means that he will have to support you after a divorce since you are totally dependent on him. Did you marry in or out of community of property? And if you married out of community of property, did you do it with accrual or without? The different types will need to be handled differently - a first appointment with a divorce lawyer is usually free and you can learn a lot about how to ensure that your husband doesn''t leave you in the cold.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/08/04

The problem is his. A long-past episode of cheating is unfortunate, but does not deserve years of ecessive bitterness and suspicion. The problem is probably that though he may need counselling, he is unlikely to agree to this.
Now he wants a divorce because you went out WITH YOUR SON ? What on earth is he suspecting ? He sounds desperately of low self-esteem and apparently with nothing else in his life to occupy him. Any court to which he applied for a divorce would, if they heard evidence of this would consider him unreasonable and would have to consider maintenance for damages to you caused by a completely unreasonable grudge on his side.
If you say he's always out, what is HE doing in all that time he spends out ?
Do consult a divorce lawyer, to protect your rights

Reply to cybershrink

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