Posted by: Miserable | 2010-05-30

Struggling to let go of my dreams

Hi doc, Im really struggling to let go of my dreams. I had all these plans and life just had other plans for me. I see other people I know doing what I wanted to do, what I could''ve done if I my parents cared. I know you can''t blame parents forever but they weren''t there to guide my future. Im turning into a bitter person because of my circumstances yet I know there are people out there that have worse circumstances. I sound petty and stupid but Im so jealous of the people I know living my dream. And before you say it''s never too late, it is. Ive got a job I can''t leave, Im scared to leave because I don''t know if I could make my dream work. Its too risky so I sit here a jealous, sad, pathetic person. How do I move on?

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Our expert says:
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One of one's most basic plans needs to be to cope as well as possible with all the life-shifting events Life throws at us.
I doubt whether anyone ever achieves all of their dreams, but all of us can achiweve some of them.
Some "dreams" are like stars used in navigation - they help us to reach worthwhile destinations, even though we don't reach those stars themselves.
Others are reachable, if one makes realistic plans on how to get there from here.
I think some teachers and parents, and much TV guff ( like Idols ) preaches a mischievous lie that causes much misery, insisting that ANYONE can achieve absolutely ANYTHING they can think of. That's just not true. And notice how many contestants basically say they WILL win, just because they badly WANT to win. That there is one winner and many wanters, doesn't bother them.
Nomatter how much I might WANT to, I will never will medals in the Olympics - that would, then be a silly "dream" for me to have. But at every age I have found new possibilities to strive for and achieve.
Indeed, I think that holding too firmly to "dreams" one dreamed much earlier in life, before one knew much about the world, may actually prevent one from noticing and hence achieving better options as they present themselves.
You sound too fixed in one specific and rigid set of "dreams", and maybe too reluctant to explore both which are still practical, and whether there might be new and better goals.
Even if for the present you are stuck in a job that doesn't delight you - aren't there other things you can achieve in your spare time, family, friends, in NGOs and charity / community work, and so on ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Happiness | 2010-05-31

Since you can''t do anything about your current situation, relax and enjoy the ride. Just knowing that those people who are living your dream had to start somewhere makes it even more fun to just chill.
Come to think of it, in a few years you''ll be going on pension, and later on dead. So who needs to be pursuing dreams if we can just live and die without doing anything about our heart desires. I wonder if we live once, but hopefully you''ll come in another life and live your dream.

Mr Ford once said " Whether you think you can or can not you are right" 

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