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Posted by: stressed | 2009-02-18

Stressed mom to be

my fiancee and I planned to start trying for a baby from December 2008. As of then i stopped taking my contraceptive. He is not working and has been staying at my house. a few weeks back we found out I am pregnant. Two months pregnant. Since then our relationship has deteriorated. We had regular fights, maily because he does not want a 8 - 5 job, he has no experience but wants only a managerial position, he keeps secrets, he uses my car and does not want to tell me what he does all day, and on weekends he expects me to stay home while he take my car, to go wherever he wants to go, but would not tell me where he is going, these all cause conflicts between us because I feel it' s unfair. I went away on a work assignment, when I came back, i found he has moved out with all his things. now whenever I call him, he either does not take my calls or switches off his phone. The only thing frustrating me is what should I do? Why does he walk out nowwhen I am pregnant. I have been there for him for as long as I can remember. should i let him go and have the baby on my own, or I don' t think I am strong enough to go through an abortion, and I don' t want him to think he can walk in and out of my life whenever he pleases because of the baby. please advise...what should I do? I always thought things will get better, but now I am kicking myself why in the first place did I stay and now how do I get out?:

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe this wasn't exactly the very best time to be trying for a pregnancy ---clearly, your relationship wasn't secure enough to handle it, and he doesn't sound mature enough to make the neesary committment yet. Babies are not glue --- they don't heal or stick together a faltering relationship. He also sounds wildly, almost childishly, unealistic in his life expectations. He don't fancy an 8 to 5 job ? Tough ! If that's what's available, and it is for most of us, then he's lucky to have a job a all. With few if any qualifications and no experience, he expects to be in management ? What makes him think anyone would want an inexperienced and big-headed manager ? No wonder h's not working. But he expects you to support him, to use your car, and not to reveal what he does all day instead of honest work ? You are probably very lucky he has moved out, or you would have had 2 babies to deal with, him and the newborn one ; but go to a maintenance court and ensure that he is required by the court to pay maintenance for the child.
And see a counsellor to help you cope with this situation.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Positive | 2009-02-18

Girl, remember that being stressed is not good for the bundle of joy you are caring. And I assure you he/she will bring joy to your life in a few months from now.
Please surround your self with all the good things in life, attend pregnancy classes ect. Make sure you spoil your self rotten. Your happiness comes from within and not from your man, if you choose happiness the rest will follow.
Good luck, pregnancy is a wonderful thing!!

Reply to Positive
Posted by: Take the knock | 2009-02-18

Your partner sounds like a real rat. Clearly the idea of the baby has turned what little guts he may had had into water. I' m afraid you picked a real loser and probably never did your homework on him before hooking up. Big mistake, so at least learn your lesson there. Check them out properly in future before hopping into bed with them. Now that the deed has been done and you left high and dry, first thing is to get him out your life but not entirely as he still has a legal responsibility to support the child, so keep tabs on him so that he does not escape this duty. I would not consider an abortion for many reasons, the main one is that I just believe that it is terribly wrong and an insult to God., If you go through with it, you will pay for it at the end of the day. You will surprise yourself to see just what strength you have in yourself to go it alone which is far better than sticking around with that loser.

Reply to Take the knock

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