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Posted by: Stressed | 2009/11/02

stressed

My father has been abusing my mother emotionally since i understood the difference between married people..(like all my life)....my mother is now sick becuase of him and living in fear. Last year Myself and my sister decided to confront him and he denied it. Last week he decided to take it on us (myself and my sister)....he sweared at us and cursed and said all the bad things and even promised to beat us up....and told us never to come back home.....and we are grown women....all these things he does them when he is drunk.....and we heard that he is even cheating on my mother...and when you ask him in the morning he denies it all the time........this is causing a lot of problems at home and i decided never to go home again but....i really dont know how to handle this because i need to go home and visit my mother who is very sick now......what should i do

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So he is probably an alcoholic as well as an abuser. Though some alcoholics do have memory problems, this would not be enough to explain his denial of what he does while he is drunk. Your mother must discuss the abuse with the doctor who is treating her for whatever other sickness she has - it is one of her health problems, and he needs to know about it. If she will not disclose the abuse, it is very hard for anyone to help or protect her. Maybe if she could come and stay with you or your sister she would be safer and could take further steps to protect herself.
If she will disclose to a lawyer, a court could grant her a restraining order against your father, perhaps even refusing to allow him to enter the house or to threaten or harm her in any way. If she does not disclose, if she says nothing is wrong, most of the few mechanisms that could help her, are prevented from doing so. You could try calling an agency like POWA which advises abused women, and see what they can suggest.
If he threatens either or both of you, that could be a criminalm offense in itself, and you could pwerhaps law charges against him, but would need witnesses to support your story when he denies anything like thast happened.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/02

So he is probably an alcoholic as well as an abuser. Though some alcoholics do have memory problems, this would not be enough to explain his denial of what he does while he is drunk. Your mother must discuss the abuse with the doctor who is treating her for whatever other sickness she has - it is one of her health problems, and he needs to know about it. If she will not disclose the abuse, it is very hard for anyone to help or protect her. Maybe if she could come and stay with you or your sister she would be safer and could take further steps to protect herself.
If she will disclose to a lawyer, a court could grant her a restraining order against your father, perhaps even refusing to allow him to enter the house or to threaten or harm her in any way. If she does not disclose, if she says nothing is wrong, most of the few mechanisms that could help her, are prevented from doing so. You could try calling an agency like POWA which advises abused women, and see what they can suggest.
If he threatens either or both of you, that could be a criminalm offense in itself, and you could pwerhaps law charges against him, but would need witnesses to support your story when he denies anything like thast happened.

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