Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-05-19

stress and sex

I have a problem - I am under enormous work related stress - work very long hours with no time off. Thing is is that sex is the last thing I can think about and I go to bed exhausted every night - exhaustion caused from worry and long hours. My husband is obviously not impressed. I say he must just carry on no problem, but he wants interaction every time and I just cant deal with this - there is no need in me anymore it would seem and I cannot remember the time when I used to have any kind of urge. Its causing such a strain in our relationship. The workload cannot change unfortunately - its just going to get more - if only he would just accept no kind of interation from me everthing would be ok

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Your “solution” seems to be one sided and is most likely not to happen. Daily work stress and demand are often one of the culprits for relationship problems and then specific sexual problems due to the lack of time for the relationship. There is a saying “ use it or lose it” and it is often very true for people that are highly stressed and feel over stretched when it comes to sexual relationships. The less we have time to have sex, the less the desire to have it and even the less the desire for closeness in the relationship. You need to stop for a second and reflect on why you are in this relationship and what are you expecting from this relationship. By the sound of your mail, your relationship is very low on the priority list and most probably at risk. I strongly recommend that you really assess where you could make time for your relationship in your busy schedule. You cannot expect the relationship to blossom without any water. A balance with in your life and then also in your relationship is necessary. It is strongly recommended that you seek the professional guidance from a psychologist that deals with sexual difficulties, work stress and relationships. You are also welcome to contact our helpline – 0860100262 where you could be assisted to get in touch with a therapist as close a possible to you.

Furthermore you are welcome to visit the following website for any more sexual health information and assignments that could be helpful:

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-05-25

Hi there, I know how you feel to a certain extend where the lack of desire is concerned. I am now 32 weeks preganant with our first baby and where I used to have a very healthy sexual appetite, in the 1st 4 months it just completely disappeared! I was feeling sick at first, but then I was fine, but still had no desire to have sex. I then realised that I had to do something drastically a my husband was very patient and loving, but in the long run our relationship would suffer. So, I just gradually got back into it, even initiating sex even though I didn' t feel like it! Now my love life is back on track and I find my husband and the idea of sex as desirable as ever! In a nutshell, go buy some sexy undies, book a weekend away - even camping if the finances are tight - and you will be amazed at what a difference it will make!

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-05-21

STRESSED written backwards = DESSERTS

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Ja | 2009-05-21

" although we are close, have become distant as far as any physical contact is concerned and I'  m talking even about the odd hug"  - EXACTLY. Neglect your husbands nudges and he will get gatfol of begging and either: switch off OR stray.

Reply to Ja
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-05-20

Thank you for all the replies. Thing is I am the boss of my own business - hence the worry on top of the stress. Anyway, I know that you' re all going to say that I must delegate or employ more people, but that is just not possible at this time unfortunately. Must just say to the last posted question re his wife being the same - just an explanation - I sleep very little - maybe 4 or 5 hours a night. I' m up very early because I must just get the day started, but this aversion to sex has nothing to do with being up and awake - you just loose desire - its awful. Where there used to be something there, its gone and my husband and myself, although we are close, have become distant as far as any physical contact is concerned and I' m talking even about the odd hug. Its difficult and I' m worried about the relationship, but I' m more worried about our finances and the business - it takes all preference now.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: XXX | 2009-05-20

I have the same problem with my wife,always tired,BUT she will get up in the morning and go to gym at 0430 !! Strange but true

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Sex Pot | 2009-05-19

By the way remember the old saying "  all work + no play make Jack a dull boy"  well the same applies to Jill. Regards

Reply to Sex Pot
Posted by: Sex Pot | 2009-05-19

Hi there, get onto your boss' s case + tell him in no uncertain terms that U can' t work like that anymore. I wouldn' t stand 4 it a day longer. I value my relationship with my hubby, my health + my sex life far too much to put up with that sort of treatment. I' d tell him exactly where 2 get off + if he does not like it then he must lump it. Stop allowing them 2 misuse U, because u' ll regret it later, maybee when it' s too late. Regards

Reply to Sex Pot
Posted by: Evelyn | 2009-05-19

I have experience of this in my mother. She was the accountant, then she was given more duties as people left + were never replaced + she ended up working 13 hrs a day 6 days a week. After a year when it was time 4 increases there were none - usual old bullshit story from management, end of year bonuses were pathetic too. 2nd yr the increase was 4% with the same old b/s story. In the meantime her marriage + family life was suffering, stress + depression started 2 take their toll. For trying 2 do the work of 3 people this is what she got. End of second year she got 25% of a month' s salary as annual bonus. My father spoke 2 her, she spoke 2 the bosses but nothing changed. After working like that 2 yrs +8 mths she had a nervous breakdown. She was booked off work 3mths but the damage was done. My father gave her bosses hell but there was no way he could make a case + hold them responsible. She was eventually boarded last year Aug. having worked 11 yrs 4 them without even so much as a thank you. At the age of 48 her health + family life r not what they should be. There is still a long road ahead b4 things r normal again. They now have 2 full time + 1 mornings only people doing the job that she used 2 do. I' m 22 + it makes me very bitter 2 see how they misused my mother. Damb them too.

Reply to Evelyn
Posted by: D | 2009-05-19

I know myself, being there done that. Basically worked for two years from 6 in the morining to 8 at night, and saturdays. No Overtime etc. Fair enough, come then end of the year we got a 13th, 14th and a R5000 cash bonus. By that time I am too tired to go anywhere on holiday anyway, so the money was basically wasted. (I am not good at saving). I am a 29 year old single male. I have been through a fair share of interviews, and they ask questions like are you single, answer yes. They ask why, you say, ag just because blah blah. next question: Are you reared to work overtime? My answer, " well, there' s the true answer to your previous question asshole!" 

Reply to D
Posted by: Bev | 2009-05-19

Many of 2days bosses feel nothing 4 staff. They r only interested in getting 150% out of staff 4 bigger profits 4 themselves. It starts off with stress, then leads to more serious things like depression, high blood pressure, heart disease + not least, personal problems like failed marriages + break up of families. I' ve seen this in my own family, my brother - marriage problems  my father - high blood pressure, brother in law - depression. All due 2 excess work pressure + stress. As Gladys put it  is it really worth it in the end? I recently told my boss that the days of slavery r long past + I will not sacrifice my family or my health 4 him. At least he took note of what I said + things improved - sex life included. Good luck.

Reply to Bev
Posted by: Gladys | 2009-05-19

Hi there welcome 2 the real world, the business world where bosses only think of 2 things  profits + getting the most out of the staff, irrespective of the consequences. I was in the exact same position, overworked - trying 2 do 3 people' s work + not even being rewarded properly 4 it. Excuses at increase time, a marriage that was heading downhill because of no sex in 5 mths. Eventually I took a stand, went 2 the boss + told him the whole situation was completely unacceptable. I pionted out his + his partner' s failed marriages due 2 the same thing + threw the ball into his court saying there' s no way I' m going 2 end up like them. At 1st he tried 2 play the whole thing down but I stood my ground, drew a line + told him enough is enough. I was NOT prepared 2 sacrifice my marriage + children 4 them or any other co. When he saw I was serious he re-organised the whole office + got somebody in 2 help. Maybee U should do the same + tell the boss ENOUGH IS ENOUGH ! At the end of the day U must decide 4 yourself what is the most important 2 U. Eventually yor health is also going 2 suffer. Is it really worth it?

Reply to Gladys

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