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Question
Posted by: mrs mira anthony | 2012/03/13

stress

dear sir/madam
i have been married for the past 20years.it was arranged.went through all kind of abuse.then i meet this man we went out with my husband''s permission.we both don''t know how we fell in love.my daughter who is 19 now,was ok with all of this.but now not ok.i haven''t seen my child over a year now,i tried very hard.i miss her alot.my present husband was putting naked and bikini womens pictures on his phone and wallpapers.which hurt me so bad like a knife was stabbed in my heart cause he promised he won''t do it and he did.i caught him 3 times.he promissed again he won''t do it.but im not able to let go of what he did.when we are watching a movie and nude scene comes of a women i get very ticked off,alot of anger builds up in me.i dnt know how to trust what he says now.but i still love him alot.will you be able to help me.i did speak to my husband how i feel and i told him i need to take help he says no i wil be ok.to have my present husban in my life i lost alot.my marriage broke,i lost my one and only child,all my parrots.i know my husband love me.help me please

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If you were married by arrangement ( in other words the marriage didn't arise out of existing love ) and he was abusive, he would be maturallu hard to love and its hardly surprising that you fell in love with someone who was kindly and non-abusive.
But I don't quite understand who's who. When you speak of your "present husband" is that the original abusive husband, or did you marry the new man, and he then turned seedy with the nude pictures on his phone, etc ? You seem to be speaking of 2 husbands, which confuses me.
Overall, though, wouldn't it be wise for you to see a counsellor, perhaps a marriage counsellor, and after some sessions on your own, ask your husband to join you, and see what can be sorted out ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/13

If you were married by arrangement ( in other words the marriage didn't arise out of existing love ) and he was abusive, he would be maturallu hard to love and its hardly surprising that you fell in love with someone who was kindly and non-abusive.
But I don't quite understand who's who. When you speak of your "present husband" is that the original abusive husband, or did you marry the new man, and he then turned seedy with the nude pictures on his phone, etc ? You seem to be speaking of 2 husbands, which confuses me.
Overall, though, wouldn't it be wise for you to see a counsellor, perhaps a marriage counsellor, and after some sessions on your own, ask your husband to join you, and see what can be sorted out ?

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