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Question
Posted by: Anonymous | 2011-05-26

Strange Infatuations

Hello there, i have a strange problem when relating to men. I am a 32 year old female and married for 7 months. I have been with my husband for 12 years and we love one another deeply, He and i have been through many trials and tribulations over the years yet something bothers me about my response to other men. Over the years many men have flirted with me and although its completely natural for me to feel flattered i become fixated on the slightest bit of attention another man pays me, its like it consumes my every thought for days and even months, i think it mostly happens when my husband/boyfriend at the time goes through a rough time. My recent infatuation is with a complete stranger who i see from time to time, he has given the most intense looks ever since i saw him, its intense but not scary and it keeps me having romantic and sometimes erotic fantasies. Besides the fact that my husband and i love each other so much we were never completely able to be open with one another sexually. We are both currently working on this, a part of this is due to the fact that i was raped when i was 15, also due to our lack of privacy not having a home of our own. This bothers me as it only happens when a man gives me a certain amount of attention or seems to be interested in me. I do not want to be unfaithful to my husband and never have been in action but these thoughts could be considered cheating in a way and i''ve had them of many men over the years. I have to see this person now and again and what usually works with the men over the years is out of sight, out of mind. I know i probably need cognitive therapy and am seeing a therapist but any other input or reason for this will be appreciated. I know i have a crippling fear of losing my husband to death or another woman, i have had it since i know him. I know i will never love another the way i love him but then why would i have these thoughts of other men.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Perhaps you focus on attention received from other men, expericing it as affirming and boosting your self-esteem ? Some have described a potential result of earlier sexual abuse, of at some level seeing oneself as only justified and valid through being sexually attractive and by atracting such attentions.
The lack of privacy can ve very inhibiting for anyone. I agre that cognitive therapy would be the best way to find your solutions. The focus may be not so much on WHY you have these inonvenient ideas ( "why" can sometimes be unanswerable, and seeking an answer keeps you focussed on the behaviours and reactions you want to stop )

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Guy | 2011-05-26

Anonymous - i would really like to chat to you. Mail me guyh18 at yahoo dot com

Reply to Guy
Posted by: Anon Guy | 2011-05-26

I have the same thoughts about other women.

Reply to Anon Guy
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-05-26

Perhaps you focus on attention received from other men, expericing it as affirming and boosting your self-esteem ? Some have described a potential result of earlier sexual abuse, of at some level seeing oneself as only justified and valid through being sexually attractive and by atracting such attentions.
The lack of privacy can ve very inhibiting for anyone. I agre that cognitive therapy would be the best way to find your solutions. The focus may be not so much on WHY you have these inonvenient ideas ( "why" can sometimes be unanswerable, and seeking an answer keeps you focussed on the behaviours and reactions you want to stop )

Reply to cybershrink

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