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Question
Posted by: Confusion | 2011/05/02

Straight guy with gay friend

Hi All,

I am kind of confused at the moment. I am a 27 year old man.

As far as I know, I am straight. The one thing that might be confusing me is the fact that I have only ever once had sex - and that was with a girl. I know it might sound ridiculous. But it’  s true. I have just never had the urge to get in a relationship just to be able to have sex with someone - I don’  t believe in using some one for something –  whatever it may be.

I haven’  t had a relationship for the past 5-7 years (I tried but couldn’  t). I have been working full time since I left school and studied part time which meant very limited time for anything, or anyone else –  and that suited me because I was getting shitty pay, couldn’  t afford to spoil anyone and had no time for a relationship anyway.

The past few weeks I have been having a few chats with a guy that I met through a mutual friend. This guy is actually gay (and he is also 22 years old). I find him very interesting and in some way very attractive. He is very self assured and open about his life –  which might be the thing that attracts me.

I have been thinking about him a lot recently, which is strange for me. The past few years I have not had time to do that. This is the first year I have not been studying which means I obviously have some more time than I had in previous years –  although still working long hours. So this is new for me.

I do like women (a lot) and find myself in a strange situation where it seems that I like this guy as well. Whether it is just something that is fascinating me, I don’  t know. I just know if I do decide to take it further, my life will change. If, for some reason, I realise I like him more than I normally like women, it will change everything. My relationships with my family and friends. Although I don’  t think I can come out to them because I''''m always worrying about what other people say about me.

Is this normal for someone my age? I thought this normally happens in early years where you then have a lot of time to “  experiment”  and figure out what you want, or who you are. I have always just been focussed with getting an education and a job that will offer stability and security, that I have never really thought about that.

Any advice from anyone who has been through the same or going through the same will be appreciated!

Regards,
Confusion

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

In real life, not everyone chooses to have sex - either at all, or as a major part of their life. It's not compulsory. And just this morning I read that a large survey has found that in around your age-group, a surprisingly large number of young men actually want LESS sex in their lives, and not more.
And not everyone is 100 % heterosexual or 100% homosexual, most being on a continuum between the two extreme poles.
Another person, male or female, may be interesting and pleaant to be with, for many reasons, including attractivness physically and socially, and for their intelligence, wit and confidence. Maybe this new guy is intriguing for you, not as a sex objct, but as someone who seems to confidently live his life as he wishes, something you perhaps wish you had been doing.
You seem to be muddling LIKING a person ( which one can do in many ways and for many different reasons ) with being specifically sexually attracted to a person. Your sexual orientation isn't clear, but sounds predominantly straight. You don't mention whether you just enjoy the company of this guy, or whether you specifically want to have sex with him. Maybe just the possibility of that intrigues you.
Don't leap to conclusions. As you say, you were otherwise engaged in the years more people experiment and figure out who they are and what they want.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Truth | 2011/05/03

All romantic relationships should start as friendships!
Just carry on spending time together if you are gay,staight or bi there is nothing you can do about it. You also would have nothing to be ashamed about!
Your sexual orientation will reveal itself in due time, dont worry about it. The worst thing that can happen is u make a great friend.
Remember relationships are a journey not a destination.

Reply to Truth
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/03

In real life, not everyone chooses to have sex - either at all, or as a major part of their life. It's not compulsory. And just this morning I read that a large survey has found that in around your age-group, a surprisingly large number of young men actually want LESS sex in their lives, and not more.
And not everyone is 100 % heterosexual or 100% homosexual, most being on a continuum between the two extreme poles.
Another person, male or female, may be interesting and pleaant to be with, for many reasons, including attractivness physically and socially, and for their intelligence, wit and confidence. Maybe this new guy is intriguing for you, not as a sex objct, but as someone who seems to confidently live his life as he wishes, something you perhaps wish you had been doing.
You seem to be muddling LIKING a person ( which one can do in many ways and for many different reasons ) with being specifically sexually attracted to a person. Your sexual orientation isn't clear, but sounds predominantly straight. You don't mention whether you just enjoy the company of this guy, or whether you specifically want to have sex with him. Maybe just the possibility of that intrigues you.
Don't leap to conclusions. As you say, you were otherwise engaged in the years more people experiment and figure out who they are and what they want.

Reply to cybershrink

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