Our expert says:
You need something like CBT counselling to get better ways of handling stress and of avoiding some unnecessary causes of the stress. I understand your GP's point of view, as it is seldom wise to choose to take on even an important and healthy challenge like giving up smoking, when some other major and unavoidable problem is taking up your time and concentration.
Why isn't your dad being seen by a local hospice team or the equivalent palliative care specialists from the Cancer Association ? With very rare exceptions, terminal pain CAN and should be controlled adequaely. And a social worker could help keep the focus on what he needs, rather than on what his second wife wants, which is less important. She is not entitled to have you or your children "chased away", as she seems to be using thios as an opportunity to show her power rather than to genuinely care for the man himself.
And tell her that you will believe the doctor's advice when YOU hear directly from the doctor. Tell her you know that the doctor would speak directly to you and the rest of the family about anything so important. Sounds like she's irritating everyone, including you and your brother. Talk this over with him, so you two can stop allowing her to stir things up between you.
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