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Question
Posted by: lee-ann | 2010-03-19

stimulation guide

i love my guy but not loving the sex too much.i wouldnt say he is the worst lover but he''s not that good.he is always rough instead of doing it nice and slow.its like im being wrestled and find myself coming up for air when im being pinned down like that :-( .sometimes a girl needs gentle love making but he doesnt seem 2 think so.even when he stimulates me with his fingers,he ends up hurting me at some point because he just shoves his fingers all over like he''s looking for something down there and like he is blindfolded while doing that.i have spoken to him and tried to gently guide him as he is very sensitive,but all in vain.needless to say he always orgams most times before me and times i dnt even get to.im so sexually frustrated!please help me with information on any manual guide or dvd guide on pleasing your woman (not porn as i tried but didnt get the point across).i would prefer something that shows and tells what to do to get results.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

I'm pleased that you have already tried to tell him and appreciate the fact that he is sensitive. I'm not sure how a DVD is going to help since he is not taking the feedback he is getting...what I would recommend is that you tell him that you want to learn more about what makes him tick and you would like him to learn about you in a more sensual way. Make sure you have plenty of time & privacy and no alcohol/drugs. Take it in turns with him lying and just allowing you to touch him (all over the body, not just genitals, and touch can be with the hands or the mouth) - tell him you want him to guide you and tell you what he likes, ask for feedback too. Try using a massage oil to make the touch more interesting. If you masturbate him a little, make sure you ask for feedback and respond accordingly, but before he reaches his orgasm, move away from his penis and move to other parts of his body (this can also teach him how to delay his orgasm - he needs to focus on the sensation and when it is very exciting, slow down the stimulation). He might be highly stimulated by all of this and it may be a good idea to stimulate him to orgasm at the end - either by hand or mouth - up to you. After this focus on him, it is your turn. He touches you (and not just your breasts/genitals) and you give him feedback...if he isn't getting what you mean, put his hand on top of yours, or yours on top of his, and SHOW him. If he is not asking for feedback, then give it to him - the fact that you have just taken feedback from him should be a good motivator for him to receive it from you. Do try to give constructive feedback (i.e. "I like it a little harder or softer" or "I preferred the last touch more, could you return to that one please?" rather than "that hurts", & "don't do it like that").

If you find this to be a success, make sure you give him PLENTY of positive feedback and maybe repeat the experience and remind him of it during future sexual encounters.

Claire - SASHA

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: lee-ann | 2010-03-19

thanx for the tips guys but are any illustrative videos we could use as well?

Reply to lee-ann
Posted by: Nice Guy | 2010-03-19

Use Lubrication, then you will be fine

Reply to Nice Guy
Posted by: Good Guy | 2010-03-19

I feel sorry for you that you have ended up with a crude selfish jerk, ''cos that what he is. He is only thinking of himself. If you want to get him right then you have to sit him down and have a talk to him. Show him physically where he must stimulate you and with what pressure.( I loved your description of him fumbling around, poking all over the place, I can jyst picture it !!) Tell him to take his weight off you by resting on his elbows and knees. YOU know what you want, MAKE him comply. If he does not like it, he can lump it.

Reply to Good Guy
Posted by: Guy | 2010-03-19

Why dont you get yourself and your guy a sex guide. Try exclusive books. There are some good books out there that explain love making techniques and maybe start off by reading the book together (one chapter at a time). Your guy needs to be educated on how to please you and this is a good way to start learning process. P.S its also a very intimate execise and will surely add some variety into your sex life.

Reply to Guy
Posted by: Sexologist | 2010-03-19

I'm pleased that you have already tried to tell him and appreciate the fact that he is sensitive. I'm not sure how a DVD is going to help since he is not taking the feedback he is getting...what I would recommend is that you tell him that you want to learn more about what makes him tick and you would like him to learn about you in a more sensual way. Make sure you have plenty of time & privacy and no alcohol/drugs. Take it in turns with him lying and just allowing you to touch him (all over the body, not just genitals, and touch can be with the hands or the mouth) - tell him you want him to guide you and tell you what he likes, ask for feedback too. Try using a massage oil to make the touch more interesting. If you masturbate him a little, make sure you ask for feedback and respond accordingly, but before he reaches his orgasm, move away from his penis and move to other parts of his body (this can also teach him how to delay his orgasm - he needs to focus on the sensation and when it is very exciting, slow down the stimulation). He might be highly stimulated by all of this and it may be a good idea to stimulate him to orgasm at the end - either by hand or mouth - up to you. After this focus on him, it is your turn. He touches you (and not just your breasts/genitals) and you give him feedback...if he isn't getting what you mean, put his hand on top of yours, or yours on top of his, and SHOW him. If he is not asking for feedback, then give it to him - the fact that you have just taken feedback from him should be a good motivator for him to receive it from you. Do try to give constructive feedback (i.e. "I like it a little harder or softer" or "I preferred the last touch more, could you return to that one please?" rather than "that hurts", & "don't do it like that").

If you find this to be a success, make sure you give him PLENTY of positive feedback and maybe repeat the experience and remind him of it during future sexual encounters.

Claire - SASHA

Reply to Sexologist

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