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Posted by: March | 2012/03/04

still not getting it right

There''s no doubt I have come a long way. After the end of a long emotionally abusive marriage, I crawled from my shell and started to live life, experience my emotions, acknowledge them and act on them.. I believe that I am doing the sort of things each day which are good for me both in body and mind.
However, after a year of doing all of these things, I am now filled with doubt about two aspects of my life.One is the charity work.
I am working pro bono for a charity that helps the very poor and ignorant with their animals. I am starting to feel that I am enabling them to have pets while I honestly would like to forbid them from ever owning pets. I feel frustrated and disheartened.I continue the work because I would feel guilty if i stopped. I could only stop if i moved far away. I think about that.
The other aspect is my privacy. In coming out into the world, both with friends and with the charity work, I am no longer anonymous.I am the public face of the charity. I am recognised and greeted and engaged in conversation. People want to know where I live, what I do and so on. I do choose my friends carefully and try to keep public information about myself to a minimum but I live in a very small town. I am beginning to want to keep my doors closed so people think I am not at home, put screens along my fences so they can''t see into my property, even sometimes take a devious route through town to avoid being seen. I have even thought of moving away, to a distant town where I can start afresh and no-one will know me. This is not healthy thinking and it causes me stress and sleepless nights. I need a solution.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Your doubts about the pet project make sense - if its educating people who can and want to learn, so they can enjoy and truly care for pets, that's great. If it just enables the eternally gormless to fail to care for pets who deserve better, I'd voice my misgivings and leave the project.
CBT type counselling might help with the other problem - it sounds like a slightly exaggerated sense of privacy and its invasion. Your attempts to avoid being visible may be making you more interesting and intriguing. In truth, the sad truth, is that most people never care enough about others.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/05

Your doubts about the pet project make sense - if its educating people who can and want to learn, so they can enjoy and truly care for pets, that's great. If it just enables the eternally gormless to fail to care for pets who deserve better, I'd voice my misgivings and leave the project.
CBT type counselling might help with the other problem - it sounds like a slightly exaggerated sense of privacy and its invasion. Your attempts to avoid being visible may be making you more interesting and intriguing. In truth, the sad truth, is that most people never care enough about others.

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