Our expert says:
Dh probably feels embarrassed, too, and can't think of what to say. Leaving, of course, though tempting, won't solve anything. Kids are dumb and when their hormones start stirring, disengage the intelligent part of the brain and think with lower parts of their anatomy.
But pause and think. Of course you're bitterly disappointed at what he has done, and how he did it. And you've been an excellent parent. Indeed, by offering him everything he might want, maybe you even accidentally encouraged him to think that he should get whatever he wants, even this.
But now is when you really need to give him something more important - not a catastrophic response to what happened, but an opportunity to learn why that was a really bad idea, and to help him revise his thinking and become a good adult.
You need to sit down with your husband and insist on a serious talk between you about what happened, how you feel about it, and how he feels about it - and why you are alarmed and feel unsupported by him not really doing anything about it. And engage him, making it clear you and your son need his advice and help. Between you, plan how you will respond to this event.
You can't unmake it happen, but can seriously influence whether the boy feels aggrieved, ashamed, and determined to carry on but more sneakily, in future ; or whether he understands why, however tempting, this was a bad idea, and something he should not at his age continue with.Make sure you hear your son's point of view - there are really no excuses for what he did, beyond the obvious, but how he feels about it and how he intends to respond to it, is important to hear and understand, to regain a sense of control
Use this as an opportunity for good parenting,
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