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Question
Posted by: Mieke | 2011/03/16

Stepmother with anger rage

I am a step mom to an ADD/ADHD child. I use to be very very love able towards children, I used to help alot of HIV children with homework and any child in need. Obviously when I met my husband who has custody of his 6year old daughter I assumed that it is meant to be for me to raise a child which isnt mine... But the first couple of months of being married, I lost my job which was our main income, I found out I am Pregnant and it was apparent that my husbands daughter has ADD/ADHD and her biological mother was also on the one side demanding attention and made life difficult.

Today I can''t believe the person I have become... my step daughter needs love and special care but I am unable to even look at her... " She is actually very beautiful"  But she is currently failing most of her subjects. She can''t seem to do anything right in my eyes and I don''t understand why I am like this. The last month my anger resulted in violence... I hit her on the face and once got so angry when she lied that I held her by the throat...

I am on leximal and she just started using Ritalin. I just want all of this to stop.... I want to be able to hold her and love her but most off all... I want to have the patience and understanding she needs...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Providing support and love for the child is of course important and a good thing to do ; the biomom must be told that she herself should not expect special atention, nor to compete with her own daughter.

Maybe you now feel some resentment towards the child , not for herself, but because she has come to represent her unpleasant mother ? And maybe you just find it especially hard to fous on her needs when your own unmet needs and extra problems of your own illness, place you under so much strain.

But as this anger towards the child is becoming physical, obviously this must stop. Urgently see a shrink / counsellor to work towards understanding and controlling this better. Leximal might not be the best med for you ; some of this large group of possible drugs that can help depression, may increase one's irritability.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Mieke | 2011/03/27

Thank you for your advice. I have scheduled an appointment with a psycologist. I honestly hope that I can resolve this. Because I know if I don''t.. my husband might leave me... He always puts me First, I am blessed with a wonderfull husband... But this will tore us apart. And I know he does not want to choose but at the end of the day he is the only one that will look after his daughter...

BUT I HAVE A HUGE CONCERN that I migt not necessarily connect with the Psycologist/Shrink... Shrinks is VERY expensive and there is always a change that I might not easily find a shrink that I can connect with... Which means my money may run out before I can get the proper help that I need..

My appointment is for the 11th Of April... What do I do if this doesn''t work... I feel like a time bom. I am so broken inside yet scared...

Reply to Mieke
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/17

Providing support and love for the child is of course important and a good thing to do ; the biomom must be told that she herself should not expect special atention, nor to compete with her own daughter.

Maybe you now feel some resentment towards the child , not for herself, but because she has come to represent her unpleasant mother ? And maybe you just find it especially hard to fous on her needs when your own unmet needs and extra problems of your own illness, place you under so much strain.

But as this anger towards the child is becoming physical, obviously this must stop. Urgently see a shrink / counsellor to work towards understanding and controlling this better. Leximal might not be the best med for you ; some of this large group of possible drugs that can help depression, may increase one's irritability.

Reply to cybershrink

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