Posted by: Didi | 2009-03-03

Stepkids continued

Dear CyberShrink,

To answer your question from the previous post:
They are staying in my home, my hubby refuses to go to a marriage counsellor i tried even a psychiatrist - he is not willing, he says i should try to teach myself to live with his children.He says i'  m selfish and i cant expect his kids to do chores like i do and says i should tell them what to do,when i ask them they are reluctant.

He told me that the boy will stay with us until he finds a job of which i can see that it won'  t happen now as he does not have qualifications and refuses to study further

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He needs to be told firmly that it is his kids who are being selfish and uncaring --- you are a wife, not a servant, and normal kids in normal families DO share chores and expenses, especially when they are as old as these kids. IF he says you should just tell them what to do, fine, have him go to them with you, and explain to them that he expects them to pull their weight, to do what you ask them to do, and to treat you with respect.
Its good to support one's children, but when a boy is lazy, refuses to study further to enable him to get a good job, and can't be bothered to even try to get the sort of job he IS already fit for, then he needs strong encouragement to start behaving like a man rather than as a child

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Our users say:
Posted by: Rosemary | 2009-03-04

Having been a full time step mother myself, I have to disagree with CS (sorry) From what I read here it is the father who is selfish and uncaring. If he gives his wife more support and understanding, the children will pick up on that and things may be slightly better. As long as the wife does not have her husbands support, the kids will do as they please because father supports them. I have been there. went through years of hell, and ended up leaving my husband because he refused to support me as far as the kids were concerned. Today they are self supporting adults, with their own lives, and no time for daddy dearest. Best of luck to you, Didi.

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