Posted by: Thando | 2013-01-07

Stepdaughter driving me crazy

This christmas it was the happiest christmas I have ever had with my in-laws the only problem started when on the 26/12 round about 8 oclock that we are going back home the following day from the step daughter, and I did not know, and it was not for the first time everything I hear it from her the father discuss everything with the daughter before telling me, I confronted the father and he dinied telling the daughter but confessed that we are going the next day I realy became a full everyone in the house was asking me how cant I know that we were going the next day as if I was telling a lie. The other thing that he did not tell me is that he gave the daughter about R1000 to spend for clothes I only realised when she kept on changing clothes and in the city where we were there are many children without clothes so I told her not to buy new clothes but wear old ones I was so embarassed when the cousins came to me asking for new clothes also and I told them that I dont have money they where so disappointed.
The child does not stay with us she stays with the aunt, yesterday night she called asking for stationary money, I told my husband that it was wrong for him to give daughter money but should have saved for January, everytime I tell him something or advise him about the daughter he will say I have issues with the daughter he will see to finish, I dont know what to do anymore and have dicided to separate our finances because most money is spent on the daughter am I the trouble maker please advise totally confused whether it is right or wrong because the sisters to my husband tell me that I am jeoulous because the father does everything for the daughter, but what I have realised is that I now do everything in the house that wants money and he will sit and relax, last time he sad he wanted to buy me shoes I know I am working but as a man he must show, we went to the shop and when asked to pay he sad he forgot the pin, I was so supprised but I had to pay because I needed the shoes, during December one of my colleague gave me R500 as a present he pesisted that I should draw the money, I told him its for my hair because he cant even give me money to go to the salon please advise what should I do.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Don't allow other people the privilege of driving you crazy. hey can only do so with your consent and assistance, so don't allow it.
leased to hear you otherwise had a good Christmas, especiall as this time of year often inflames family issues and conflicts.
However, I think we have discussed this very issue before - clearly this girl is a spoiled brat who is being abusively spoiled by a very foolish parent in ways that will harm her quite apart from upsetting you. She probably enjoys the power to upset you whjich this situation gives her.
If cousins come to you asking for clothes, tell them to ask her, as she already has too many, and to ask the silly man who wastes money on her to share it rather with people who deserve and need it more.
It makes sense to consider separating your finances, so at least he can't waste your money on the spoiled brat. But this needs mutual agreement so that you also fairly share the expenses.
And as I think I said before, insist that he joins you in marriage counselling to sort out these shared problems.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2013-01-08


Just have peace of mind and know you are not alone. I have this battle now for the past 6years and it does not change believe me. I am not sure but I think its sympathy love that these men have towards their kids. I have told him a thousand times not to involve me anymore if I am not consulted - but guess what it always comes back either way.

Good Luck is all I can say - these kids will turn 18 then what happens?

All the best

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