Posted by: Nobantu | 2009-03-04


Please advise me on what to do I am staying with my husband and his 13 years old daughter she cleans when she feels like and whenever I ask her to wash the dishes she looks me with a dirty look and only pretends to be cleaning only when the father is around. When I tell the father he says what do I want because she cleans and when we are out to my mothers house she only eats and sit without assisting other children what she does is bragging that her father is going to buy her a car and that and that.

I dont like the daughter anymore and cant even pretend what do I do because I will be staying with her for the rest of my life please assist.

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Our expert says:
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Don't let them turn this ino an argument about whether you should get what you want from the lazy girl -- it's about bringing up a child prperly, for her own sake, as she needs to learn to share the chores in a home, and not to expect her parents to be her servant. And surely your husband can't be crazy enough to be thinking of buying a car for a girl of 13 ? Doesn't the fact that she says that, suggest rather that she is keen on getting atrtention and bragging, perhaps because she feels insecure with you around, that she might not be the most important person in his life ? \
Discuss this calmly with her father, and work out a plan, which clarifies what tasks she will do, amongst the tasks he and you do. And of course they need to be done properly, or they must be repeated until it's properly done, not merely a half-hearted pretence. Then both of you make an effort to give her plenty of attention and praise when she does things that you expect, and a whthdrawal of atention when she doesn't, along with stated penalties, withdrawing for a day something she wants ( TV or PC access, being allowed to go out with friends, whatever she wants ) if she does NOT do what is expected. So she gets les of whatever she wants when she doesn't kep to house rules,and more of what she wants when she does it right

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Our users say:
Posted by: boring | 2009-03-04

Maybe, just shut up if u dont have naything to say...If u live in the house u also have to take part in doing the chores, unless u one of those kids who were raised spoiled...Most of us when we were kids we did chores, my mother will cook then me or my sister will wash the dishes, sweep the floor ect...And yes we started doing that at an ealrly age...

Not everyone can afford a maid, kids need to learn responsibilities whilst they are young..

Reply to boring
Posted by: maybe | 2009-03-04

maybe it' s about time you got a maid!!! why don' t you do the cleaning yourself as the woman of the house? i get the feeling that you are lazy and all you do is scold at this little girl

Reply to maybe
Posted by: cp mom | 2009-03-04

Hi, come to the step parenting forum we' ll talk there - go to EXPERTS on top, then to talk forums and then to step parenting.

Reply to cp mom
Posted by: Nobantu | 2009-03-04

No she is spoilt by the father because sometimes when I ask her he says I must leave her because she must study but I have a 6 months old baby and why is she staying with us then if she doesnot want to assist me. I have decided that I will ask her ask the one that she is afraid of to take her and teach her until she is right or else she must go and stay with her mother. The other time she went to her mummy she came with funny moods and I just looked at her please tell me what must I do I hate this child with all my heart.

Reply to Nobantu
Posted by: been there | 2009-03-04

you are the parent figure and no teenager is going to follow your instructions just because you asked her to. I still recall my mum shouting at me to clean - i just ignored her. teenagers come with attitude and im sure it is twice as hard if you are not the biological parent. As the adult you will have to come up with a strategy to live with her- set some rules with consequences that everybody will have to follow. She is only 13 after all - you are not stuck with her - she will leave to study, live as an adult elsewhere.

Reply to been there

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