Our expert says:
I wonder whether what you are planning is likely to be able to work out, or is desirable. Why dont you want this man to parent your older son ? Would it upset his father, with whom he lives ? Is it because you anticipate there's be conflict between this new man and your ex ? Because if you don't think the man is a fit father for your children, one wonders why you;d want him as a fiancee.
And why don't you want to become involved in parenting his children, who apparently would be living with you, and are young enough to need an available step-mother rather than a distant stranger ? The problems you describe are typical of what can arise and need solution, and couples counselling can help a lot.
If there are children in the home, nomatter who are their biological parents, they need parenting, and that MUST include a shared role of both available parents in setting and administering the SAME rules in the SAME way, or there will be endless and fruitless conflict. Sort out the differences of opinion between you and apply the resultant plan together - if you are living with a man and his children, you can't abdicate your responsibilities
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