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Question
Posted by: Minniie | 2010/08/26

Step children

I am about to get married to my fiance who is dovorced with two kids (daugthers) and I have a daugther from my previous relationship. Last weekend we went for our first holiday together and it ended up as a mess. i think my fiance is unable to discipline children and they can get away with murder. The oldest is nine years old and still behaves like a child and can not even make herself a hotdog. The way i have raised my 7 year old is different, she helps around and now my fear is that my daugther might turn into how the other kids are. How can I deal with this issues without the other kids thinking that am the worst step mom?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Discuss this with your fiancee, and suggest some pre-marital counselling sessions with a good family counsellor, to work on such issues. Sometimes the differences between a couple are a matter of taste and tolerance. But where it concerns a lack of discipline and children not gaining basic skills, its worth working on a joint approach for everyone's sake.
Sometimes after a divorce, the parent gainin custody experiences guilt, and manipulation by the kids, as well as competition from the non-cusodial parent, too.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Nika | 2010/08/27

I wouldn''t say 9 is still a child atleast at one stage a child needs to be taught responsibilities and NO, I am not saying cooking and cleaning at nine but I agree with Minnie at 9 you should atleast be able to tidy up after yourself as well as being responsible for certain things. Yes parents raise their children different but I disagree with the statement that they all end up the same when they are older co''s believe me they dont!! I''m also about to get married like you I have a nine year old who can do certain things like making a hot dog, cleaning up after herself, she even makes herself coffee, I''d sometimes let her take off the washing, etc. I''ve even gotten her to sometimes do the dishes and also make up her bed and NO not because I am abusing her she was taught to look after herself! My stepson is a 22 months old boy and adorable so me and my fiance will definately make sure that he grows up to be the best he can be!

Reply to Nika
Posted by: Star | 2010/08/27

9 is still a child, it is not the childrens fault. HAve you ever thought about it, maybe they were not tought to make a hot dog?? Every one raises their children diffrently. Some parents like to do everything for their children, others like to teach then early on to do things for them self. Some just raise their children not even thinking about it. They all end up the same when they are older.

Reply to Star
Posted by: cvb | 2010/08/27

Dont ever compare kids, because all parents think their kids are wonderfull, teach her in a loving manner, eg come lets make some hotdogs , dont make it about my kid does this and his kid doesn''t if you dont sort it out now it wont get better, you keep on hampering how great your child is ...

Reply to cvb
Posted by: Miniie | 2010/08/26

That is a child but my 7 year old is much more responsible. She was able to put her clothes back in her suitcase than the 9 year old who left her clothes on the floor.

Reply to Miniie
Posted by: only me | 2010/08/26

9 years old?? But, that is still a child

Reply to only me
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/08/26

Discuss this with your fiancee, and suggest some pre-marital counselling sessions with a good family counsellor, to work on such issues. Sometimes the differences between a couple are a matter of taste and tolerance. But where it concerns a lack of discipline and children not gaining basic skills, its worth working on a joint approach for everyone's sake.
Sometimes after a divorce, the parent gainin custody experiences guilt, and manipulation by the kids, as well as competition from the non-cusodial parent, too.

Reply to cybershrink

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