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Question
Posted by: Wondering. | 2012/02/20

Step child

I am a mother to a 2year old daughter.I have a friend who has a two year oold daughter aswell.She broke up with baby daddy long time.Her baby is staying with her mom.She says when she gets married she will leave baby with mom as step parents abuse kids.I agree that such does happen,but is it always the case?And i am thingking why would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you cant trust around your child?If he cant accept your child why should you be with him?
I cant imagine the pain the child is going to feel when other kids are staying with mommy and her with granny.Is it fair really?
I mean there are bilogical parents who are abusive.She thinks i am judging her.Please lets share maybe i am missing something here.Thank you.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

SOME step parents abuse children, but the great majority don't. Just as some biological parents abuse children, but most don't. Generalizations are dangerous and prejudicial. Sone grandparents abuse childen. Abuse is awful, but we should never assume that some tupes of people do, and others dont.
I agree with you that if you really believe someone would abuse your child, the response should be to leave the abuser, not to get rid of the child.
And I absolutely HATE this highly destructive modern cliche of insisting that nobody must "judge" anyone else, whatever they do. Of course people should be and are judged. Insisting you must not be judged proves you know there is something wrong with your behaviour or intentions and that you don't want to be reminded of it or persuaded to think again and maybe change your mind. It is SHE who is missing something, something very important.

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Romany | 2012/02/20

If you re-read my post. You will see that mine too.... has nothing to do with " Wondering''s" situation..... I am merely expressing my thoughts on this every-day practice of making babies lleft right and centre and having a " baby daddy" for each of them.
I wish just one person will learn from this. And that this one person will say no to becoming pregnant from a man that is not comitted. And that this one person will grow in life, have a great career, make money, buy a house and a car and live a wonderfull life before getting MARRIED and starting a FAMILY....
Ladies.... theyse boys or ''baby daddies" move on and leave you with the child.
YOU DESERVE BETTER !!!

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Wondering | 2012/02/20

Romany i have to disagree with you.Like In motion said,things happen and you cant judge them on such.My post had nothing to do with her and baby daddy but the fact that she wat to leave her first born iwth her parents because step parent abuse kids.
Thank cs,i totaly agree with you.

Reply to Wondering
Posted by: In motion | 2012/02/20

at Romany they will always remain Baby daddy''s. People change and mistakes do happen, other people were engaged and then the baby, then the boyfriend change his mind about the marriage thing or things go wrong what do you do? what about people who are divorced with kids... i don''t believe in judging people in anyhow especially when you don''t have any idea of their situation.

Reply to In motion
Posted by: Romany | 2012/02/20

Well said CS.
I absoletely HATE the word " baby daddy" .
Why would one willingly have children from a man that you are NOT married to in the first palce?
Unless you have made a concious decision NOT to marry and to have a baby. In that case the vbaby should be referred to as " MY DAUGHTER" or " MY SON"  - ä nd you as a " SINGLE PARENT" .
This BABY DADDY thing is just stupid. And women who want BOTh parents in their children''s lives, and have babies with someone that has no clear intention to marry them and look after them and the baby.... are just stupid as well and deserves to be judged.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/02/20

SOME step parents abuse children, but the great majority don't. Just as some biological parents abuse children, but most don't. Generalizations are dangerous and prejudicial. Sone grandparents abuse childen. Abuse is awful, but we should never assume that some tupes of people do, and others dont.
I agree with you that if you really believe someone would abuse your child, the response should be to leave the abuser, not to get rid of the child.
And I absolutely HATE this highly destructive modern cliche of insisting that nobody must "judge" anyone else, whatever they do. Of course people should be and are judged. Insisting you must not be judged proves you know there is something wrong with your behaviour or intentions and that you don't want to be reminded of it or persuaded to think again and maybe change your mind. It is SHE who is missing something, something very important.

Reply to cybershrink

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