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Question
Posted by: keshnee | 2011/01/07

Stay Married or Divorce

Hi Doc

I am married for 9.5 months to my boyfriend of 15 years and we have been through a rough married life. His parents and brother has issues with me and have told me things like I will get divorce in a year and they will only be happy if I get divorce but they all came to the wedding and did not object.

My husband did not defend me against his family but said he did when I was not around. I don''t know if I believe this because I also concluded recently that my husband is a compulsive liar.

We started drifting apart and he would say things like he was forced into marriage and he wished he didn''t get married and this lead to both of us becoming physical and abusive but not intentionally but out of anger and pain.

On the 21 december I confronted him with evidence as he has been talking to my cousin''s wife for about 4 months(have proof) but I believe now it is before my wedding and that why the worst 9.5 months after marriage. They said they were talking about the marriage problems but the calls a no less then 4 a day ranging from 10min-30min or longer. Like every hour of the day either one is phoning the other. When I confronted both of them the denied talking to each other and they covering the tracks of each other. I never though he would cheat on me after marriage.

Is this cheating or was it just friendship and am I overreacting? He still says it was nothing and he don''t know why he did it and he is sorry. Can I trust that he is telling the truth because most of the time when I ask him about it he just keeps quite.

Must I seperate and have time alone or should I just divorce? I also asked her why they we talking and told he that my husband confused and she just keeps quite and tries to avoid me. We all were very close but my husband and she never sppoke in each others company only over the phone.

I could go on and talk forever but I have so many unanswered questions and I don''t want to lose my marriage but I can''t see a life with this man either. I still love him but he makes it seem like I did something wrong and I must beg. Is this fair?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Why did your husband defend you behind your back, but refuse to do so when you most needed it and when you could confirm that he was doing so ? Who "forced" him into marriage ? Surely not his family, if they dislike you. How would his family feel about his relationship with your cousin ?
What you describe as going on with her is more than merely "friendship", and is emotionally cheating, at least, if not physical. If there are problems within a relationship, one's duty is to work on solving them WITHIN that relationship, not through long discussions with someone of the opposite sex.
If it was "nothing" why does he feel "sorry " ?
See a marriage counsllor together and try to solve these problems working together, with proper expert help, before either of you give up and assume the problem can't be fixed

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Rakesh | 2011/01/17

Hey Keshnee, i am sure you will amke the right decision.

Reply to Rakesh
Posted by: keshnee | 2011/01/12

Thanks alot for the help.

I am very confused and don''t know if I can do all this anymore as this family has issues with me and now I find out so did he. I have hurt my parents for this relationship and I still do because I take all this nonsense and I don''t know when I should cut my losses and move on. I am also scared of what is on the other side.

Reply to keshnee
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/08

Why did your husband defend you behind your back, but refuse to do so when you most needed it and when you could confirm that he was doing so ? Who "forced" him into marriage ? Surely not his family, if they dislike you. How would his family feel about his relationship with your cousin ?
What you describe as going on with her is more than merely "friendship", and is emotionally cheating, at least, if not physical. If there are problems within a relationship, one's duty is to work on solving them WITHIN that relationship, not through long discussions with someone of the opposite sex.
If it was "nothing" why does he feel "sorry " ?
See a marriage counsllor together and try to solve these problems working together, with proper expert help, before either of you give up and assume the problem can't be fixed

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Rakesh | 2011/01/07

Sorry to hear that you have been throuhg a rough marriage just 9.5 months into it. Not sure what it is cheating or friendship.I dont beleive you are overreacting as both of them deny been in contact with each other, you have evidence after all. The worst thing is been lied to. You seriously need to consider where you stand in your marriage. For how much longer is going to go on?

Reply to Rakesh

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