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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2012/03/02

Spousal abuse

Hi, I have recent left my husband after he hit. i have moved outr with my young children and not quite sure what to do next. My family are pushing me to get divorced and my husband wants to reconcile. I am considereing it if he will agree to counselling for both of us and for himself alone. I believe that the demons in his past will effect us always. Th fight started when he accused me of having an affair, which I''m not. I have always been faithful to him and my marriage. I am so confused. What do I do? I miss him and love him still very much and kids want to go back home. I admit that we have issues in our marriage that needs fixing but i don''t condone this behaviour of his. He has always been very possessive and suspicious. I do walk on egg shells around him and it''s effecting my parenting style. I''m harder on my kids, sometimes a bit to strict because I don''t want to get him upset. Will councelling help us be a family again?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It is usually wise to agree to sincerely take part in counselling, and postpone a decision about final separation / divorce until you see how that works for you all. If he truly has "demons" from his past, he may need individual counselling, too, to get rid of their ill-effects, and that should be possible.
Individual episodes of physical violence do occur, and do NOT inevitably lead to continued violence. A single episode, if properly dealt with, may lead to a resolution of relevant issues. Wjhatever his reasons for being overly possessive ( one should never expect to nor want to "possess" another human being ) he need to deal with it in counselling, and recognize it as a weakness of his, not as a reflection of something wrong about you

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/03

It is usually wise to agree to sincerely take part in counselling, and postpone a decision about final separation / divorce until you see how that works for you all. If he truly has "demons" from his past, he may need individual counselling, too, to get rid of their ill-effects, and that should be possible.
Individual episodes of physical violence do occur, and do NOT inevitably lead to continued violence. A single episode, if properly dealt with, may lead to a resolution of relevant issues. Wjhatever his reasons for being overly possessive ( one should never expect to nor want to "possess" another human being ) he need to deal with it in counselling, and recognize it as a weakness of his, not as a reflection of something wrong about you

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Realist | 2012/03/02

Run, run run. A man who lifts his hand to a woman is a creature to be avoided at all costs. There is no going back and no excuse for him to whack you. Its over or you are letting yourself in for a merry-go-round of beatings, apologies, beatings, apologies, on and on and on.

Reply to Realist
Posted by: ............ | 2012/03/02

Hi Anon, the question is, has he abused you physically before? If so you should run for your life, but if not give him a chance and hope he won''t repeat. My hubby is also possessive and when ever I go out with friends he thinks there is a man involved, he has hit on me on 24 Dec and he said i don''t listen when he talks, aftawards I made it clear that if he repeats I am gone not coming back, but nje he is a posessive man. So maybe you should give him a chance, unless he makes it a norm them you must resign from your marriage. Don''t be scared of a human flash to save your marriage he is not above God where by you must fear him, i also had this fear towards mine, but told myself he is not gonna scare me if so, i can''t live with him. Now ask your man to go for counselling if he wants you back and also to promise not to hit you again.

Reply to ............

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