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Question
Posted by: Thandiswa | 2010/03/16

Spoiled kids

I have a problem with my step daughters every week they are collected by their aunt for a visit and come on Sundays. But everything that we speak of in the house I think they tell their aunt I have approved this last week when on Thursday they asked for SA T-shirts we said right we will buy the T-shirts but at the moment we dont have money. And when they came on Sunday they came wearing the T-shirts I told my husband this is wrong he said he has no problem with this kids are kids. Yesterday while I was from work after cooking they came and asked me money to do their hair, I dont have a problem with that the only thing that I dont want from them is that everytime when it is the 15th they think I must spoil them but tell them to wash dishes or clean the house they will make you understand that you are nothing to them so I have decided to just look at them they are not going to get anything from me since they dont like me too, I think their father said they must ask for me because I told them I dont have and then they went outside, he was not right from then. I told him I am not here to beg for anything if it means I must spoil his kids to make him happy then he needs to teach them manners also.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It sounds as though the kids are far too focussed on getting money and Things, rather than on just being affectionate kids. Who is encouraging them to focus in this way, or why, is no clear. Sometimes where there has been a divorce or separation, kids spontaneously learn how to exploit parental guilt and competitiveness, and this is not merely tiresome, but a really bad lesson to learn, for life, about how to profitably relate to other people. Some family counselling might be a good idea.
It is child neglect, borderline abuse, to fail to give them boundaries, rules and discipline. Sharing normal household chores is an important benefit for them, and they should not be deprived of it. What sort of useless adults does he want them to grow into ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/17

It sounds as though the kids are far too focussed on getting money and Things, rather than on just being affectionate kids. Who is encouraging them to focus in this way, or why, is no clear. Sometimes where there has been a divorce or separation, kids spontaneously learn how to exploit parental guilt and competitiveness, and this is not merely tiresome, but a really bad lesson to learn, for life, about how to profitably relate to other people. Some family counselling might be a good idea.
It is child neglect, borderline abuse, to fail to give them boundaries, rules and discipline. Sharing normal household chores is an important benefit for them, and they should not be deprived of it. What sort of useless adults does he want them to grow into ?

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/03/16

Maybe the problem starts when we look at children as " step children"  or " his"  children then immidiately a separating wall is created between you and the children. You are also a parent to the girls, a mother to put it correctly. Make your rules and stick to them, the children are still growing up and need all the guidance they can get. Lots of love works with children (like it does with everyone else) and that has nothing to do with money. Love them unconditionally and you will see the difference in them.

Reply to Happiness

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