Home > Experts > Question Search health advice Find an answer Question Posted by: anon | 2012/05/16 Q.SPERM DONERS AND WOMB DONERS!!!! Why is it that the step parent is always interfering in raising the step kids when it suits the bio parent, but when the bio parent is given the chance to do what is God given, they refuse or don’ t have the time to BE parents?My hubby’ s ex always does a lot for other people’ s children and brags about it. When she is asked, yes you read right, she has to be ASKED to do her parental duty towards her kids, she is always unable. We have been raising my step kids for the past 5years without bothering her as she made it clear to us that she doesn’ t want to be bothered. So we decided enough is enough, she wants to tell all she is the kids’ mother, but cannot WALK THE TALK???!!! They asked her for assistance with a school trip, after all these years and guess what??? SHE TOLD THEM CAN’ T HELP OUT!!!! The worst part being she just bought one of their cousins a very expensive game for his b-day yesterday and he bragged to them about it. I am so disgusted and yes, call me names as all step moms especially, are used to it by now. Yes, I know full well I took my hubby with his kids. When we do take the role of the bio parent, you get sworn at that you are not their mom/dad, but who does the job, you the NOT mom/dad. 28 Pin It user comments Posted by: Culprit | 2012/05/23 Anon - I''m glad I could get your mind off the " SPERM DONORS AND WOMB DONORS" in your life. I hope that the donors do not get to you that much or you will explode. Remember the subject line was not " Angels" otherwise I would have reserved my comment because Angels are imaginary to me. I hardly fantasizeWhile driving to work today, with my window half-open a mad-man spilt colddrink over me. Totally unexpected, but hey life happens and people have frustrations and yes, there will be an outlet. I''m thankful what he spilt over me was not acid. Just be careful what you focus your time and energy on, or you will be mean, vulgar and find ways to justify it. Please do not turn out that way cos if you cannot face the donors, your outlet will the poor BENEFICIARIES. Reply to Culprit Posted by: anon | 2012/05/22 ok, culprit lets agree : all step moms are horrible and all bio moms are angels and are allowed to do whatever they want with their God given children and that is law...LOKL!!!!just a little saying out of the Bible (not exact words) " let all the children come to Me and do not hinder them" Reply to anon Posted by: CulpritS | 2012/05/22 Now I am sure you exaggerate. Are you girls related or are you one person. Now you have an exaggerated sense of self. Amazing! Reply to CulpritS Posted by: anon | 2012/05/22 LOKL!!!!!Yep if we could all just accept that we r human and make mistakes(even if this means letting go of a gem of a man and when another woman has him, you become bitter)come now you all, be nice to culprit - she made her mistake so let her be bitter please!!! Reply to anon Posted by: Almay | 2012/05/22 Amazing.....Culprit sounds like my loves ex! LMAO! True Anon.....I''''m just going to laugh. No use arguing with a fool. Reply to Almay Posted by: 4R3QD0 | 2012/05/22 Amazing.....Culprit sounds like my loves ex! LMAO! True Anon.....I''m just going to laugh. No use arguing with a fool. Reply to 4R3QD0 Posted by: anon | 2012/05/22 blue spark - u know the saying that goes " DO NOT ARGUE WITH A FOOL AS U BECOME FOOLISH?" Reply to anon Posted by: CulpritS | 2012/05/22 You tend to exaggerate situations. You magnify even the simplest and smallest things. Someone has to bring you down to mother earth. I bet you will amplify this short paragraph... Reply to CulpritS Posted by: anon | 2012/05/22 known fact: it is always those who are quick to give advise or criticize situations/people and they have never walked or can never walk a mile in that person''s shoes. so culprit here has a very full and happy life and is quick to advise us who " moan" the whole day, but she will never be able to walk a mile in our shoes....if she is a woman. Reply to anon Posted by: Culprits | 2012/05/22 Common sense - these kids do not belong to us but God. Not the Bio or Step. Not even society can connect two people to conceive, that is all in your mind. Conception is ordained whether you want to believe it or not. So when God puts kids in your hands please do not make noise and seek praise for doing just what God expects you to do. Reply to Culprits Posted by: anon | 2012/05/22 Thank you for understanding almay, it seems that my cry for a hearing was misunderstood for a pat on the back. It does hurt a lot as a step mom/dad that you are only allowed to take care of the kids where and when it suits everyone else. When you have your own kids you are told you are raising apples and pears, but when you want to raise all of them as apples, IT IS WRONG and you are told (at times not so nicely) her kids are not yours. So once again, why are bio parents given the right, not by God, but by society to give birth and ill treat their offspring as it suits them and when they actually get someone who cares enough about them they are given the upper hand as it is THEIR RIGHT? Reply to anon Posted by: Almay | 2012/05/22 Don''t get me wrong Culprit. When the first plan don''t work. God always make another. If woman can''t or won''t take care of their kids then someone else will. Whether it is grandparents or a step mom or dad. Anon is not screaming help, she needs someone to talk to. As all of us step moms need a support system. We are only human and things can get frustrating. The fact is, it hurts the parents that are taking care of these kids to see them gettting hurt. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THIS. O believe me, those kids are not your kids, God only borrowed them to you. God trusts you enough to make you that special mom to take care of them on earth, and you can'' do just that. So He needed to send an earth Angel to do just that. Reply to Almay Posted by: Blue Spark | 2012/05/21 Cool it, Culprit is only looking for attention.BTW God is not the one that ordains a parent. It is a human choice to have a baby or not. Reply to Blue Spark Posted by: bored stepmom | 2012/05/21 Well then, why are all step moms especially called home wreckers, b***s, w****s, and a few more which I don’ t want to mention, BY THE BIO MOM? We must just swallow these names as we deserve it even if we are not the cause of their break ups with our hubbies or boyfriends? So them not wanting to raise their kids while it’ s done by these ladies/men because they gave birth to them make it all fine?Well CULPRIT I beg to differ as we ALL have a choice and me not having given birth to my step child/ren doesn’ t give her the upper hand. Reply to bored stepmom Posted by: Culprit | 2012/05/21 Being an Angel does not mean you must throw stones and label others " sperm donors and womb doners" These two people are ordained by God as " BIO-PARENTS" : If God has ordained you to take over and care for the kids why then is there no trust in God that he will deal with the evil biomom. Why do you then come here and skinder about the bio-mom. That is to me a cry for validation and from WHO? If you feel validated by God why are you screaming HELP here? Reply to Culprit Posted by: The truth is... | 2012/05/18 ...it hurts when the ex-husband or ex-boyfriend moves on, and the hurt is ten times when there are kids involved because sooner or later the man is going to introduce a step-mom. But i would like to believe that if all involved can put all the anger & bitterness aside, something beautiful will happen. I came into my hubby''s knowing that he had two kids, he was never married to the mom and i had believe there was a reason why he hadn''t. I''m not a saint but i believe i''m very considerate. Like i would never have married him if i believed that he is not taking care of his kids, i.e. if he cant love his own flesh& blood - how can he love me. He is doing so much for his kids but the mother will not get to a point where she is mature about things. She has always been the one to call me names, bang the side of my car with the doors of her car,etc, etc... she has always been the angry one. And for what? I never broke them up, yes maybe i took the hope away but i didnt break them up. He was single. Point i''m trying to make is at the root of all the hate& anger, is the unwillingness to accept the truth and make peace. And realise that the stepmom (or dad) is ultimately not the one to blame and if anyone is to blame it''s the man, but in the breath who really wants to be with someone that doesnt want to be with them - kids aside? My only sin is that i fell in love with a man who happens to be a dad. Do i wish i had met him earlier, hell yes but i love his kids and i wouldnt wish them away but i wish that the bio-mom can swallow a maturity pill and open up herself to maybe find love again. We can all leave in peace if we can only try, it may prove very challenging in the beginning but hey who said Rome was built in a day? Signed, a very considerate and lovely stepmom Reply to The truth is... Posted by: Almay | 2012/05/18 Culprit obviously do not know how the other woman " The so called Evil step mom" feels or that we must look @and talk to these kids everyday. It does make a woman feel angry and sad. If you have no experience as a step mom, why even comment. As woman we are suppose to stick together, help eachother. It is the men whom decides to take another woman in his life, we did not force to be in their lives or be part of these kids lives. I think we are actually earth angels that God send to help with these kids. No man was made to raise children on his own. So stop hating and join hands in raising healthy kids. So we can have a healthy country. REMEMBER! NOT EVERY STEP MOM IS EVIL. Give the woman a chance. Reply to Almay Posted by: anon | 2012/05/18 Aunt: Sorry to hear about your nephew but God always answers and I believe He will answer my prayers for my step kids as well. I am not generalising here, I am speaking about a person I know very well by now and yes, there are very wicked and cruel people on this earth, but praise should be given where it is due. Culprit: be the best parent you can be and don’ t assume you are judged unless it is driven by the guilt of knowing you are doing wrong to someone else. Reply to anon Posted by: Culprit | 2012/05/18 Aunt - Notorious, that is why they always look for affirmation and I say God save us all. At least I admit to being guilty to something at some stage. Why JUDGE and mobilise others to join Reply to Culprit Posted by: AUNT | 2012/05/18 MY BABY SISTER PASSED AWAY LESS THAN A YEAR AND A HALF AWAY AFTER A TERRIBLE MARRAIGE WITH AN ABUSIVIE HUSBAND WHO DID NOT ALLOW HER ANY MEDCIAL TREATMENT, HAVING CANCER, NO FOOD OR THE BARE ESSENTIALS AND NOT ALLOWING HER TO WORK. SHE LEFT BEHIND THE MOST INCREDIBLE 17 YEAR OLD SON, AT THAT TIME ONLY 15. tHE DAD WOUDL NOT ALLOW HIM TO COME AND LIVE WITH US AND TRHEATENED WITH SUICIDE. WHEN HE MET A LYING AND DECIEVING WOMEN, HE GOT MARRIED WITHIN A COUPLE OF WEEKS AND THE NEW STEPMOM TOOK THIS CHILD''S HOUSE KEYS AWAY, HE IS NOT ALLOWED TO COME IN HER HOUSE (SIC) WITH HER PERMISSION AND HAS TO CALL BEFORE COMING HOME FROM SHCOOL TO MAKE SURE SHE IS HOME. SHE FORCED HIM TO DESTROY ALL EVIDENCE OF HIS MOTHER, TOOK ALL HIS PERSONAL BELONGINGS OUT OF HIS ROOM AND ONLY ALLOWED A BIBLE IN FRONT OF HIS BED. HE BECAME HOUSE BOUDN AND WAS NOT ALLOWED TO TAKE PART IN ANY EXTRA MURAL ACTIVITIES BUT HELP HER IN THE HOUSE. WE ASKED IF HE COULD COME AND STAY WITH US WITH HIS OWN ROOM BUT THEY WOULD NOT ALLOW THAT - HIS FAHTER STOPPED TALKING TO HIM WHEN HE MARRIED THIS WOMAN.WITH THE HELP OF HIS SCHOOLD, SOCIAL SERVICES AND A PHSYCOLOGIST WE MANAGED TO GET HIM OUT THERE AND HE IS NOW HAPPILY STAYING WITH US - THE EMOTIONAL STRESS AND PHYSICAL ANXIETY TOOK ITS TOLL AND THIS ONCE HEALTHY AND HAPPY ONLY CHILD - I THANK GOD THAT WE MANAGED TO RESCUE HIM FORM THE TYPICAL EVIL STEPMOTHER!!!!!!! Reply to AUNT Posted by: anon | 2012/05/18 well as they say if the shoe fits, wear it.if you know you are a good mom/dad " culprit" , why are you feeling guilty?thank you Almay, you too!!! Reply to anon Posted by: Culprit | 2012/05/18 I am in trouble and I pray that God forgive us all. I am so thankful God is not one of you girls Reply to Culprit Posted by: Almay | 2012/05/18 Oh Anon, I so know what you going through. I raised our kids with my Love, as my own. The mother was always too busy, never has money or the boyfriends (their has been so many) is more important. She decided last year to take her kids (we aloud it because they want a relastionship with their mom)....maybe she couldnt live with that voice that keeps on reminding her about her kids. We prayed for her to take on her duty and when it happend we were happy for the kids. BUT now she can''t even WALK THE WALK with her kids with her. She use to tell peolple how we do not take car of her kids in a propper way(sametime bragging about how beautifull the kids are growing)....We ignored her and did what we have to do. After seven years of not asking her for anything, she took my love up for maintance for R15 000 per child. He still pays their schoolfees and after care ex. Pic them up every second weekend. When they need anything, they call their Dad. I mean really R15000 per child. So i guess this is about money and not the kids. Maybe she is trying to hurt your hubby but same time hurting her kids. All i can say is, keep on being a gr8 step mom. " Said with a lot of Respect" Keep on praying for the kids and their mom. Because she can be what she wants to be, but her kids still loves her dearly. Ignore her and always create stabillity to those kids. And leave her in Gods hands sister. Only He knows how to deal with the situation. Reply to Almay Posted by: culprit | 2012/05/18 I am not sure what you are asking for ANON but if it is a pat on the back, there you have it. I am useless and you are the opposite. Hope you have a splendid day henceforth. Reply to culprit Posted by: Karin | 2012/05/18 Just take the high road and support the children emotionally or they will think they have done something wrong. giving birth does not make someone a mother, the same way standing in a garage does not make you a car. Reply to Karin Posted by: 2cents | 2012/05/17 It seems like you are hurting too, I''m so sorry Reply to 2cents Posted by: anon | 2012/05/17 LOL..... what can the world do?As everyone has the freedom to anything they want including hurting their OWN offspring. Reply to anon Posted by: 2cents | 2012/05/17 I understand how you feel, but I''m not sure what you really want the world to do. Reply to 2cents Want to comment? Your name (optional) Your comment To prevent spam please solve this simple math problem: × Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly. × Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly. Reply to Your name (optional) Your comment To prevent spam please solve this simple math problem: advertisement From our sponsors There are more than 200 different viruses which can cause a cold A clinically proven skin care range is now available Medihelp’s regional information sessions Superior comfort and support