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Question
Posted by: John Smith | 2011-02-11

Speaking / Chatting to women / Insecurities

Hi There,

If i''m out at a club with my mates and I start chatting up a girl, is it deemed that i''m interested in her because i''m chatting to her?

As apparently, it''s still ok for my friends to go chat up the same girl that I was chatting up.

This whole thing confuses me. As when i''ve seen them chat up someone, I usually just make myself scarce or just be a wingman but never encroach on what he is doing, as in offer to take her to the bar to get a drink etc...

Should I have to tell them before hand or have a big poster ready that says im interested in this specific girl so that they don''t try and chat her up as well? Or, are these guys just a**holes and don''t respect me enough? Or am I overreacting and this is what the norm is...

It''s happened before where I was speaking to a girl just getting to know her, but left the club to take a call and when I got back, all my friends were hovering around her...

Am I being insecure about myself that my pickup didn''t work - ''cos i''m threatened by my friends or is my overreaction justified...

Basically, i''m not interested in hanging out with these guys because of it...


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like your pals may have some odd rules they need to explain to you - but these were not inscribed on the tablets Moses brought down the mountain. From your description, they do sound like sphincters. Its not an over-reaction to notive that they are behaving selfishly ( and with a lack of consideration for you OR the woman ). Try to move on from these kids to guys who are actually growing up, maybe even mature already ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2011-02-15

Years back in varsity, mates of mine had a vow. When out, its open field and no rules. We stayed friends and laughed about it the night after/ following morning. We''d all try get the hottest girl in the girl and then exchange what we spoke to her about the next day. And the guy that actually got through/ scored, got a case of beers from all of us. Wasnt a bad thing, as we all drank on that case. Varsity days were the best. And the funny thing was, the girls who were the easiest, one of our mates always found a way to try again when he got lonely. We found out so many things of different girls that way. We all happily married now, but still cherish and keep those days and what we done a secret. Have fun while you can.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Anon | 2011-02-15

Comments are made as if the girl is owned by someone. You snooze you lose. If she was so interested in you, she would make it known and avoid all other attention. If its a girl you guys just met, guys will be guys. But if its someone you seeing, and a mate hits on her, then yes, his not your mate. But if you thinking of meeting a wife in a club, then obviously, expect that girl to be hit on by as many guys there are in the club. Cause even after you leave, she will still be hit on by other guys. FIRST IMPRESSIONS LASTS. If you made one, she would have waited till you got back. Think about it. It was just not meant to be her then.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-02-12

Sounds like your pals may have some odd rules they need to explain to you - but these were not inscribed on the tablets Moses brought down the mountain. From your description, they do sound like sphincters. Its not an over-reaction to notive that they are behaving selfishly ( and with a lack of consideration for you OR the woman ). Try to move on from these kids to guys who are actually growing up, maybe even mature already ?

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: John Smith | 2011-02-11

Yeah, those are all bad choices! Not the dumping of friends, but the sticking like glue is my problem. Because then I appear to be desperate!

It''s the catch 22 I face most of the time!

Thanks for the advice...

Reply to John Smith
Posted by: Girl | 2011-02-11

Okay
Tx for all the info
So the solution is to dump all your friends OR when you meet a girl stick to her like glue- never ever go for a pee.
The choice is yours.

Reply to Girl
Posted by: Anne | 2011-02-11

Girl, I am sure that he would not just have run off, I am sure he woudl have excused himself in the proper manner when the phone rang, probably saying that he would be back in a second.

Who knows, the call could have been important.

But, even if it was disrespectfull towards the girl to take a call, the fact remains. A friend will never make moves on his buddys " girl" . If it were another guy he did not know from a bar of soap, that is a different matter entirely, but the fact that his buddies were making moves on a girl he obviously displayed interest in, speaks volumes about the sort of people they are. And as the girl, I would not encourage them, I would give them the cold shoulder, because that is what they deserve.

Reply to Anne
Posted by: John Smith | 2011-02-11

Hi Girl,

Let me add some further information:

A) I didn''t just leave. I excused myself and said I would be back - unfortunately it was a call that I had to take (emergency).
B) My friends are a**holes
C) It was obvious that I was interested in the girl as I took time out (it was a party for a friend) instead of being at his party I was chatting to her for most of my night, whereas my friends were no where to be seen until I had to leave. The other people at the party could see that I was interested in her.

Hope that helps... This isn''t the first time it''s happened - even when i''ve answered the call of nature!


Reply to John Smith
Posted by: Girl | 2011-02-11

Hi Anne
re your first post- my point was that it was not obvious he was interested,he took a phone call in the middle of a conversation
re your second post-his friends are not fools but obviously quite bright to have taken advantage of his absence
if i was the girl i would not be interested in a guy who leaves to take a cell call but impressed with the friends who took the initiative in his absence

Reply to Girl
Posted by: Anne | 2011-02-11

Nope, sorry, I cant agree with Girl. Your friends are fools.

Reply to Anne
Posted by: Girl | 2011-02-11

If someone took a call when they were talking to me l would conclude that they were not really interested,so would anyone watching!
lf you were really into her you would not have left her to answer the call.You showed her little respect by leaving her.l do not blame your friends for moving in on her.

Reply to Girl
Posted by: Pat | 2011-02-11

Sounds like teenage boys trying to see who can get the girl... It always backfires on someone. Try getting maturer friends.

Reply to Pat
Posted by: Liza | 2011-02-11

These guys are definitely not friends. They''re extremely rude acquaintances. Sheesh. Overreacting? Definitely not.

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Anne | 2011-02-11

Well, in my opinion, if youa re interested in a girl, you give of a certain.... I dont know what to call it, but lets just say.... its obvious. So, in my oppinion, these guys are not really your friends.

All the best with this
Anne

Reply to Anne

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