Posted by: Sam | 2009-07-08


My husband and i dated for 8 years before we married. We married 3 years and have 1 year old twin girls. Before the girls were born my husband became very angry and verbally abusive towards me. He was very stressed. We had debt that i never new about, he was self employed at the time and business was failling. He wanted out of the marriage and felt that i was holding him back. He never thought his life will turn out like this. I stood by him for for 8mnths like this I couldn' t bring myself to leave him even after the girls were born. Then one day he was sorry. Told me it was all his fault and we need to try and work on our marriage for our childrens sake. This was after he had started a new job and we where working on our debt together. A month ago the place my husband worked at closed and all this came back. He now feels suicidal and he wants a separation until he sorts himself out. I don' t believe in this. If he wants this marriage he should stay and fight for it. His staying because i told me if he leaves it has to be for good but his more depressed and angry now says he loves me but can' t stand being around me. This all hurts me i' m hurting all the time. What do i do.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

SOunds like your husband has been recurrently severely stressed and depressed, and has chosen one of the typical male ways of responding, by trying to do it all on his own, even when he's failing, and not wanting to bother you with the details, not realizing that NOt being bothered by such important stuff is much more bothersome. Can't you encourage him to get proper help for his depression, including counselling and perhaps medication from at least a GP if not, preferably, a shrink ? And if he gets medication, as a suicide precaution, YOU handle it and monitor it.

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