Posted by: Purple | 2009-05-08



What are your thoughts about soulmates, yet there are so many love-hate relationships? I know the world is not perfect but surely each one of us has a soulmate out there. That term would not exist if it wasn' t true.

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Our expert says:
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I don't believe in soul-mates, and I do believe that the concept causes substantial suffering. And MANY terms exist for things that don't exist ( including the term : "nothing" ). Some pairs of people "click" and get on together unusually well --- this may be part of a passionate love affair, or simple a pair of pals, of the same or opposite sex, unusually and enjoyably compatible. When you come across suh a pair-mate, that's lucky.
But the idea that for each of us there is a magically perfect partner "out there" ( mine happens to be in a remote part of Afghanistan, so we're unlikely to get together ) is not only not true, but causes problems --- you risk rejecting relationships that don't arrive with the powerful kick of instant adoration, and miss out on many rewarding and sustaining relationships. You may reject many highly suitable and empathic potential mates, still writing for the Soulmate to turn up ( like the Irish couple who stayed up all through their wedding night, waiting for their Sexual Relations to arrive ).
And it leads to unrealistic expectations of how relationships are supposed to work, including an explanation that it should be wall-to-wall joy, and lack any disagreements or conflicts.

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