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Posted by: Kate | 2011/01/24

Sorry for this long one.

How do I get through to this guy?
On the rare occasion that we do go out with other people it always ends in disaster.
Every single time! This is so frustrating!
When we out on our won we mostly fine, with other people it ALWAYS turns out nasty.
This Sat. we were out with my nieces and his little cousin.
We are 26 , took the little ones to the beach.
It started as soon as we started driving, now to start I am never one to look for an argument with anyone, I’ m always the one defusing things. He starts on about me being fat and telling everyone that they going to be swimming with a whale so they better be careful.
I by the way am not fat at all, I’ m a size 28! But anyhow that’ s kind of his joke about me, so I always let it go.
We get to a certain point and he says wow the wind is gone! I promise you the wind was blowing like mad so I’ m like but it is windy…  just look at that tree over there…  and this big tree is blowing from side to side, that’ s how windy it was. He says that tree has grown screw, its not the wind blowing it like that, referring to a ‘ hardly’  tree with no leaves at all. Anyhow he continues …  I think someone needs to put on their specs…  and I reply ok I’ m sorry it’ s not windy at all, I made a mistake, sorry guys. No sarcasms nothing just to drop this stupid topic. He continues…  maybe you creating your own wind over there…  and continues with more jokes. At this point I decide to just shut.

Now that was just an example, I’ m sick and tired of it, we decided before to just be by ourselves and don’ t get me wrong this is not his excuse for us to just be alone. He loves being with others.
It’ s like all he does is show off, insult me etc etc
The most frustrating part is he won’ t admit it! Last night he text me, ‘  you were acting like a bitch again today’ 
This is because I never spoke much because I knew how it was going to go. If I joke with him he would pretend to laugh and say ‘ OH but you are so funny’  or something like that.

I have tried before to explain his attitude to him when others are around but he denies everything. According to him it’ s all me.
You know every time I feel like I should have recorded everything so he could hear his comments or see his attitude.
I was thinking for the last time, we could plan an outing and I should invite someone ‘  totally biased’  to join us.
When the day is done I would like this person to tell him exactly what happened and explain his nasty attitude.
Would this just be a pointless exercise?
Could I perhaps get some sort of hidden camera to record an outing and then he could have a look at it afterwards… 

Right now I just feel so disgusted in him, I mean really, do we really have to cut ourselves off from everyone for us to be fine.
I feel so unhappy right now, like I’ m wasting my time.
When we go shopping and he has everything that he wants then he wants to leave, he would get himself something to eat and leave me to do my shopping on my own or rush me to get done.
So even when we are out on our own I don’ t really enjoy myself because he would be in a rush and not because he needs to be anywhere else.

Sorry for this long email but what do I do, we have been together for 4yrs. And he has done a lot for me’  financially’  but I have also done a lot for him in other ways.
Do I just call it quits... We are supposed to get married in 6months.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sure is a long one ! WHat amazes me is how and why you would even think of marrying anyone who treats you like this ! He sounds immature, self-centred and clumsy. He couldn't care about what you think of the crude and silly way he behaves with you in public - he probably thinks it's cool. You ca't go through life as a pair of married hermits, strictly alone.
Ypu mention him having been helpful to you financially - maybe doing that helped him to feel Big - but that's no basis for a lasting happy relationship.
Think VERY very carefully about continuing with someone who behaves the way you describe. Of course you will find someone else - good guys aren't as scarce as you assume - and he doesn't sound like such a remarkably good guy, anyway

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: tony | 2011/01/26

my wife was having sex on the net it was to a stage that she wanted to meet the person in real we have been married for 23 years have 2 sons and this has made me so mad i dont kow what to do she says she would not do it in real life just wanted to see what he looked like but she send naked photos of her self i dont know who she is anymore im so dissgusted

Reply to tony
Posted by: Resist | 2011/01/24

Kate, you can post a million long posts, but who is going to decide your fate with this guy and your life? who is going to make the decision? does anything strangers post here even help you or confuse you even more? am i even helping you? YOU must make up your mind.

Personally I dont mind if you continue posting, its very entertaining and much better than TV!

Reply to Resist
Posted by: Em | 2011/01/24

whatever we say here you are going to do what you want to anyway and by the sound of things you are going to walk down that aisle in 6 mnths and you are going to convince yourself that you are happy and you might even have kids, andthen one day you will realise it was all a big mistake But it will be to late... Thats life... if only we could see into the future.....

Reply to Em
Posted by: mimi | 2011/01/24

Just do your self a faver walk away from that men he will never change,as much as you love him you have to love your self more and walk away for your own sernity.

Reply to mimi
Posted by: Obvious | 2011/01/24

QUOTE
Deep down l know it would be best 4 me to leave him-you have answered yr own question!

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Kate | 2011/01/24

Thanks for your reply.
At home we fine, his or mine.
He makes fun of my weight at home too but then it''s funny, the joke only comes from my family because I''m the biggest lady in the house, they all very thin so they call me fat. Which is our joke and not really serious but when he does it infront of others its asif I''m really fat and they dont know where this comes from.
He also wants me to lose some wieght so I think he really thinks I''m fat although I just need to lose like 5kgs for the most. On the other hand my trainer said if I do lose that weight I would be underweight for my bmi.
The other thing is sometimes we play fight but he would end up really hurting me. The last time however it was not, he just lashed out at my and kind of joked me.
I never spoke to him and then he said he was sorry, he was just playing and he never meant to hurt me, he was stupid and it wont happen again.

Deep down I feel like I know it would be the best for me to leave him but I have this serious doubt too.
We do have fun together and good times too and as I said he has done alot for me. We have purchased lots of things for when we get married and have put alot into our future together.
Thinking of starting all that again just seems impossible. I was engaged before but I was too young &  not ready and broke it off.
So for me this is the second time, I just feel like I will never find another guy, theres so few good ones left out there.

Reply to Kate
Posted by: Em | 2011/01/24

Kate - warning bells get out, run run as fast as you can. Sounds abit like my husband but I must admit mine will never call me fat infront of anyone and I am much bigger than a 28. Why do you want to spend the rest of your days with someone so nasty as him, you deserve so much better, and you cannot live the rest of your life with him in a bubble you need interaction with other. what does your family say about his behaviour or wait let me guess his an angel in front of them??

Reply to Em
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/24

Sure is a long one ! WHat amazes me is how and why you would even think of marrying anyone who treats you like this ! He sounds immature, self-centred and clumsy. He couldn't care about what you think of the crude and silly way he behaves with you in public - he probably thinks it's cool. You ca't go through life as a pair of married hermits, strictly alone.
Ypu mention him having been helpful to you financially - maybe doing that helped him to feel Big - but that's no basis for a lasting happy relationship.
Think VERY very carefully about continuing with someone who behaves the way you describe. Of course you will find someone else - good guys aren't as scarce as you assume - and he doesn't sound like such a remarkably good guy, anyway

Reply to cybershrink

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