Our expert says:
Hidings don't work, except to teach a kid that it's OK to hurt people when you want something from them. A balanced system with points towards rewards for good and considerate behaviour, and losing points and privioleges for bad behaviour usually works wel, if sensible and consistent. Time out works well with immediate behaviours, like a tantrum ; it doesn't apply efficiently to errors of omission --- you can't Time him Out for NOT doing something he should have ; that's where demerits from the rewards table work better. YOu cant sit time out for suggestions that we steal something.
Its curious and interesting that he was telling YOU directly that he suggested stealing things --- as though to see your reaction. SImilarly, to defiantly drinking the OJ and coming to show you the glass and announce that he has disobeyed you and drank it. This sounds more like oppositional and challenging behaviours, maybe intended to draw your attention to him. Is he perhaps receiving less of your attention when he is good ? Paying selectively more nice attention to the good things he does ( and the bad things he doesn't do ) can be surprisingly powerful.
Adoption wo't be relevant unless knowing he is adopted has somehow influenced how YOU behave towards him
The more he finds it rewarding to be good, and the more he finds it discouraging, boring, whatever is unwelcome, to be bad or provocative, the more his behaviour is likely to change in the desired direction
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