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Question
Posted by: worried mom | 2010/01/15

sons behaviour

Hi, I hope you can give me some sort of advice because I am desperate!
My son is 6yr old and we are really struggling to deal with his behaviour. He gets terrible temper tantrums when he doesn' t get his way. He will become verbally abusive and scream and demand his way. we usually don' t give in...this escalate to worse behaviour. We have tried time out, we have tried taking away stuff we are trying the points system now again. Everything works for a week or 2 then he just say that it doesn' t matter, we can take away thing or subtract points, ect. I have givin him hiding sometimes but this doesn' t help either. My husband has never hit him...I need to beg him to do stuff, yesterday I had to beg for 4 hours for him to finish homework that took 15 minutes! He will shout at me when I' m on the phone or when I have important company to come and help him with lego. If I nicely say son please just wait for 5 minutes he will shout that I need to listen to him NOW! If I don' t respond he will pull my clothes, drag me away or scream and become verbally abusive. He is selfish and want s all the attention. When we dicipline him, he will cry for hours and even say that we must wish he is rather dead. He will then demand an appoligy from us because we have been rude to him. Yesterday I showed him my terrible bruse and he pushed his finger on it as hard as he can...He was eating fruit with plenty of juice and then rubbed it of against my expensive cussions! He does become sad when I tell him his behaviour hurt me and then I need to hug and cuddle him, even if I feel so hurt and upset. He can be very pleasant and caring, when he wants to. He does well at school, is the model child, have some good friens and is liked. He is also above average intellegent! What is going on here!!!!What can I do!?(He has been adopted at birth and we have waited 10 yr to have him, so all of this is hurting terribly!)

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

A child psychologist or chiold psychiatrist should be asked to do a proper assessment, and then recommment the best way to handle the temper tantrums. What you are describing sounds rather more than the usual tantrums of a kid of his age, and should rather be dealt with now than later.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: qwerty | 2010/01/15

I think this is good advice from synergy.... As a child, I knew very well the consequence for bad behaviour was a hiding. There were things I' d never DARE to do, knowing full well what would happen if I did. (screaming in public, being rude, etc.)
And today I' m a happy, healthy adult, with no hangups about how my parents disciplined me!

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: synergy | 2010/01/15

If you just want to chat to another mom about this you can mail me at synergy at live . co .za

Reply to synergy
Posted by: synergy | 2010/01/15

Ok, from one mom to another. I had the same problem with my son.

It is going to take a month maybe two or three but I will tell you what to do.

The key here is consistency.

Firstly. Go to your son. Sit him down and explain to him that there is a new rule in the house. And that is the only rule.

If he acts in an appropriate manner you will treat him in an appropriate manner. But if he acts like a hooligan you will treat him like a hooligan. Make that very clear to him.

Now next time he screams at you in front of people, shouts at you or acts in ANY unacceptable way you simply stand up, no warning, no negotiations and take him (by force if you have to) to your room, take a belt and give him a hiding he' ll tell his grandchildren about.

Now once again the key is consitency! You say you give him a hiding sometimes. So in his mind he can act and risk getting a hiding. If he knew for a fact that if i act like this i am 100% guaranteed of a massive hiding. He' ll think twice I assure you. So every single time. Hiding. Finished. No negotiations will be entered into.

After the hiding you explain to him that he acted like a barbarian so this is what barbarians do.

Now trust me, he is going to sulk, say things like he wishes you/he/everyone was dead, he' s going to push you and look you in the eye and still be brat. But you keep strong. You are the adult and you must show him that you are unwaivering and steadfast.

My son was so obnoxious with me i was in tears every day. I did this and today i have a beautiful, pleasant well mannered 10 year old boy who adores me!

He will not hold a grudge once he sees that acting nicely gets him treated nicely.

Reply to synergy
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/15

A child psychologist or chiold psychiatrist should be asked to do a proper assessment, and then recommment the best way to handle the temper tantrums. What you are describing sounds rather more than the usual tantrums of a kid of his age, and should rather be dealt with now than later.

Reply to cybershrink

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