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Question
Posted by: mona | 2011/02/17

son worries me

Hi
I have 3 boys. Oldest 23 and twins of 19. One of the twins worries me lately. He matriculated last year and also started dating a girl in school (gr10). It seems he really cares about her, and that is not worries me, but it might be part of the problem. Her father for some reason does not like him, the father, drinks and smokes and he does not, which created a bit of a issue, for the father told him its is tradition to drink something with him and he declined. The father lather then made a hurtful comment while they were at a party, one of the other boys there also the same age as him, went to get himself a drink and also for her father, which led him to say: " Good a drinking buddy don''t you wanna date my daughter?"  and after that he is plain " ongeskik"  towards my son. We told him to just keep clean his side and adhere to whatever the father expects of him (limited) when he visits there, which he does. What worries me is that since then he is aggravated very easily. Anything you say seems to be negatively received. He gets angry at me, his brothers and his father for practically everything. He is sullen and withdrawn and complains of headaches and " ek voel nie lekker nie"  at all times,. When he was little he complained about tummy ache often and after realizing that it went with him not being able to handle conflict he went to a Psychiatrist who helped him with that problem. I must also mention he had a nasty fall with his scooter about a month ago, not serious but he hurt his leg, and he complains about it being sore also. Now for my question, do you think I should get him a antidepressant or something for anxiety to calm him down a bit, or do you have any other advice for me?

Regards

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like that father has a drinking problem. Problem drinkers feel uneasy with people who just don't drink. Maybe it makes them feel guilty, but they foolishly try to push the non-drinker into drinking.
The lad should discuss this with the girl he likes, as she may have also had problems with her drinking dad. If the boy does't want to drink - congratulations to him ! That'll save him problems and money during his life. Nobody ever died of not drinking alcohol.
As you describe his behaviour, he sounds as though he has become angry and discouraged, maybe even a bit depressed, by the way the foolish dad treated him.
Now, I don't think one should "get him an antidepresant" or something like that. First, if this problem seems significant, he should see a shrink for an assesment - we should never choose a treatment before we have a sound diagnosis and know what the problem is. It may well be that some counselling will solve the problem

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Vrye Denker | 2011/02/17

Gee, does he really need that shyte in his young life?

Reply to Vrye Denker
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/17

Sounds like that father has a drinking problem. Problem drinkers feel uneasy with people who just don't drink. Maybe it makes them feel guilty, but they foolishly try to push the non-drinker into drinking.
The lad should discuss this with the girl he likes, as she may have also had problems with her drinking dad. If the boy does't want to drink - congratulations to him ! That'll save him problems and money during his life. Nobody ever died of not drinking alcohol.
As you describe his behaviour, he sounds as though he has become angry and discouraged, maybe even a bit depressed, by the way the foolish dad treated him.
Now, I don't think one should "get him an antidepresant" or something like that. First, if this problem seems significant, he should see a shrink for an assesment - we should never choose a treatment before we have a sound diagnosis and know what the problem is. It may well be that some counselling will solve the problem

Reply to cybershrink

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