Posted by: Mich | 2010-07-14

son re:1000 and 1004

thank you all for the help and understanding, i really appreciate it.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its a pleasure, and I hope everything works out well for you

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Posted by: GAY MAN | 2010-07-15

Dear Mich. My humble view. I replied to post 1 000 as well but only saw this one later. It makes me utterly sick and tired to hear this kind of complaint. YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. It is not your fault for having the emotions and feeling you have, you are driven to it by a sick and stupid society that make issues out of nothing.
I am a sorted out gay man and went through all the fears of coming out and what my parents would think etc. It caused me endless fear and anxiety, had a role to play in substance abuse and a lot of other very unnecessary actions and reactions by myself.
There is at the end of the day absolutely nothing we can do about it. You probably heard many discussions on gay issues in the past, as I did and see. One cannot miss them  they are in your face in the media.
I will never get involved in these debates that sometimes sprung up about so-called treatment for gay people, acceptance, etc as it is both pointless and ridiculous. I thank God that I never made a show or an issue of coming out and just gradually became who I am today once I realised who I am.
My parents (extremely conservative Afrikaners) accept me, my lifestyle and choices and my live-in lover and not a word has ever been said. There is no communication problem, just that there is also no need to discuss my sexual orientation –  it is a non-issue. I can only assume that they realised that should they react negatively to something that I feel so comfortable with that I almost do not even realize it (being gay), they would lose me.
The bottom-line is. We worry too much about something we simply cannot change.
There is a message for gay people in this as well. Why make such a thing about it? So what? Do straight people get back into the closet?
The time is long overdue that a lot of us grow up and that include many in the gay community who seem to thrive on getting attention through making mountains out of mole hills. The only thing that is achieved is focusing attention on something so mundane and in the process blowing it out of all proportion.
That is why you feel the way you do. Guilt, sad, whatever, and there is no need for it. But society expects you to react in such a way. Your husband probably understands very well how you feel, but he also understands that YOU must deal with your feelings and get over it. I know it is not easy, and again, NOT your fault.
My personal opinion is that a lot of blame for the status quo (of making such an issue of things like this) is the Oprah (read American) type attitude of making a show/drama (and money of course) out of all and sundry that is after all just plain simple human nature.
All the best Mich and you are a great MOM. You try and you will see the light soon.

Keep well

Reply to GAY MAN
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-07-14

Its a pleasure, and I hope everything works out well for you

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