advertisement
Question
Posted by: mich | 2010/07/14

son

Dear CS

Please help me, i''ve just found out my son is gay.How do i deal with this, what do I tell people i''m devasted. I have spoken to him it''s been over a year now. He lives with us and had the cheeck of bringing someone home on Saturday night (this was not something new he always brought a girlfriend or somebody home after a night out but these were just friends so nothing was suspect at all). I''m worried about the calm before the storm, i just cannot accept this i''m not sleeping suffering with major anxiety. My hubby tells me to keep quiet it''s nobody''s business, when i speak to my hubby he tells me to leave it and stop hacking on the same subject.

Help me please.

Thanks
Mich

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Firstly, why do you assume you need to "tell people" anything ? He's still exactly the same great son you have always had, and who you have brought up to be a nice and good person. His sexual orientation apparently happens to be gay, which is one of the usual variations, and occurs in some of us - not his fault, not your fault, not anyone's fault, any more than it's anyone's fault that you are not gay.

Your husband may not be being very supportive towards you right now, but has a healthier attitude to the situation. You wouldn't freak out if your son had grown up to have red hair - it's just a part of who he is. It really sounds as though you have some significant problems about this area of usual human sexuality, and you'd really benefit fro seeing a personal counsellor to better understand your very fierce and unhelpful feelings, and to work through your reactions, to find that this is no catastrophe - and that he needs and deserves your love as much and probably more than ever.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: GAY MAN | 2010/07/15

I am a gay man and went through all the fears of coming out and what my parents would think etc. It causes endless fear and anxiety that is so absolutely unnecessary. There is at the end of the day absolutely nothing we can do about it. I will never get involved in the debates that sometimes sprung up about so-called treatment for gay people etc as it is both pointless and ridiculous. I thank God that I never made a show or an issue of coming out and just gradually became who I am today once I realised who I am. My parents (extremely conservative Afrikaners) accept me, my lifestyle and choices and my live-in lover and not a word has ever been said. The bottom-line is. We worry too much about something we simply cannot change. There is a message for gay people in this as well. Why make such a thing about it? So what? Do straight people get back in the closet? The time is long overdue that a lot of us grow up and that include many in the gay community who seem to thrive on getting attention through making mountains out of mole hills. My personal opinion is that a lot of blame for the status quo (of making such an issue of things like this) is the Oprah (read American) type attitude of making a show/drama (and money of course) out of all and sundry that is after all just plain simple human nature.
Mich, it is not your fault for having the emotions you have, you are driven to it by a stupid society that make issues out of nothing. AMEN

Reply to GAY MAN
Posted by: lucyfire | 2010/07/14

think about this rationally.

How long is he awake?
How much time does he spend at work?
How much time does he spend with you?
How many hours does he sleep for?
What does he find funny?
Is he kind?
Does he like animals?
Does he enjoy going to restaurants?
Does he enjoy music?


Who he sleeps with is such a MINUTE part of who he is. Just love him for who he is.

Reply to lucyfire
Posted by: Maria | 2010/07/14

Your son is still exactly the same person he was before he told you. Go and talk to a counsellor to help you work through these issues.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: notwithstanding | 2010/07/14

Just love him.
A mom loves her children no matter what.
He''s stil a human being.

Just love him as he is.

Reply to notwithstanding
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/14

Firstly, why do you assume you need to "tell people" anything ? He's still exactly the same great son you have always had, and who you have brought up to be a nice and good person. His sexual orientation apparently happens to be gay, which is one of the usual variations, and occurs in some of us - not his fault, not your fault, not anyone's fault, any more than it's anyone's fault that you are not gay.

Your husband may not be being very supportive towards you right now, but has a healthier attitude to the situation. You wouldn't freak out if your son had grown up to have red hair - it's just a part of who he is. It really sounds as though you have some significant problems about this area of usual human sexuality, and you'd really benefit fro seeing a personal counsellor to better understand your very fierce and unhelpful feelings, and to work through your reactions, to find that this is no catastrophe - and that he needs and deserves your love as much and probably more than ever.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement