Posted by: fed up mom | 2009-08-24


Hi Doc,

My son is 22jrs old, he still lives with me in my home, my younger daugter are already moved out by her own choice as she started working and saw fit that she gets on her own feet, and i am proud of her for doing so good on her own. I am not saying i want my son to move out cos he is still young.

My problem is that he is living with me and my husbund, wich is his steph father, and he has absolutly no respect whatsoever. About two weeks ago my husband wnt and put new tyres on his company car, that weekend me and my husbund went away for the weekend, driving with my car and leaving my husbands car at home, when we got back on that sunday, as we where driving into the yard we saw this tyre lying on the grass, we unpacked the car ect. later on my husband wanted to go to the shop and he saw that one of his tyres are not the same than the rest and its not new, he walked to my sons car and saw his new tyre on is car, My son went and took one of my husbunds new tyres and switched it with one of his, when i confronted my son about it he keeps denying it and says that i am smoking my socks and he walkes away, My son is just causing alot of trouble, he and his GF had a fight and in the prosses broke a big mirror in my home and denies that it was him, whenever we go away for weekends he has friends over and when i get home my carpet as got sig burns in it, i know my son does not smoke but his GF smokes and some of his friends.

I cant trust him in my home and he is causing trouble between me and my husbund, he is also using drugs and i dont know wha to do, i think the drugs is his GF fualt, coas they had a split earlier in the year for 3month and he was clean as soon as they got back together ha started using again, i cant leave him at my home alone cos either things are missing in my home or something big is broken and he cant leave other peoples stuff alone, he tells me he will stay in my home until he is 30 40jrs old, i will not alow that, and he speaks to me in a bad manner, he has a job and earns double than my daugter does and he cant go live on his own?

Please advice on what i should do
Thank you

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Our expert says:
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Some kids, especially sons, are slow to see any benefits to moving out on their own --- but they should at least pay rent at home not simply monetarily, but absolutely in terms of respect, and in helping out with chores, etc.
Taking one of the new tyres on your husband's company car was THEFT, and he should have been told to replace it immediately, or you'd call the police and lay charges. And i he argues so feebly, tell him the police can decide who was smoking socks. Similarly with other episodes of damage. Indeed, he shopuld be told that if there is ONE MORE episode like that, he will be evicted from the home the next day, and his denials and excuses will be ignored. It is his task to protect the home and all of its contents under all circumstances. If he thinks it fine for his friends to damage your home, he can stay with them and damage theirs, and see how they feel about it.
And drug use in your home is unacceptable --- and again, if there are good reasons to suspect the presence of illegal drugs in your home, call the police and let them check. It doesn't matter what hism gf does or does not do --- he allows her to do what she does, and to influence him. And if things are going missing he is probably stealing them to pay for his drug habit.
Then I read your final paragraph, and the message becomes still more clear --- you sit down calmly, your husband and you, and announce that he will NOT stay in your home till he is 40, and that he has one week to make alternative arangements, or you will arrange for the police or a private security firm to evict him, and change the locks. And that any atempt by him or his pals to re-enter your property except at your invitation, will lead to arrest. Remind him it is high time that he grows up and sops behaving like a spoiled brat

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Our users say:
Posted by: Gracie | 2009-08-24

You should' ve told him to move out a long time ago! He clearly has no respect for you, his step-father or your belongings! Why do you put up with this nonsense? My two older sons were both overseas at the age of 18 yrs - working and living in the UK! They found their own way there - sold some of their belongings to pay for plane tickets etc. Today they are both responsible adults and give me no problems whatsoever. They sometimes battle financially, but refuse to come and live with me - they say that they must sort out their own problems! You are babying your son - no wonder he won' t move out! It' s lovely living with mother who supports him and allows his appalling behaviour! I agree with CS - tell him to find another place to live without delay ... it' s about time he stood on his own two feet and took responsibility for his actions! He will never leave as long as you support him and tolerate his crappy behaviour! You need to sort him out ASAP and don' t allow his friends in your house!

Reply to Gracie

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