Posted by: Caro | 2012-01-12

Sometimes selfish lover

My lover and I have a great, exciting sex life. He no longer sleeps with his wife as they have lots of issues not for discussion here as does my husband and I. When we previously dated (20 years ago) he was a selfish lover and the relationship didnt last for various reasons. We are now together again and he is much improved and mostly very considerate. Last week we were together after a long time and he was again mostly concerned about his own pleasure. I spoke to him about it and he said that because we hadnt been together in so long he came very quickly and was very sorry. He made up later in the day by giving me much pleasure as he usually does but I couldnt help being upset by his initial inconsideration which reminded me of when he was younger. He masturbates regularly and our cyber sex is great and often enough for me during our spells apart. We have been together for nearly two years this time around. Is it normal for a man to lose control of his ejaculation and think only of his own pleasure after a spell apart? We really love each other and I am willing to forgive but dont want to go back to when he was " just a boy in his early twenties"  (as he excuses his past selfishness). In so many ways he is now the man I want to be with but sometimes I feel like he thinks he needs to exert some kind of power over me as he feels I broke his heart before and resisted him for years while he tried to get me back. Could this be why he sometimes subconsciously acts selfishly?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear Caro,

It is evident that your partner and you have a very complex relationship with much history impacting on it. It is not possible to tease it all out on a forum like this. Working with a couple's therapist would be a more appropriate space where the two of you could address the various issues you have raised.

One simple answer to one of your questions is that yes a man can experience a case of premature ejaculation if there has been a lengthy time between sexual encounters or if he is anxious during a sexual encounter.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Roommate | 2012-01-12

I dont know. How is your husband at this?
You do realise you are acting like a whore sleeping with another man?
men don''t care if a whore gets satisfied or not. Only difference is, men pay whores.

Reply to Roommate
Posted by: Hornyguy | 2012-01-12

Leave your husband and marry your lover

Reply to Hornyguy

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